Sex and Puberty

Talking about sex and puberty with your kids is difficult. There's just so much ground to cover—from puberty to crushes to (gulp) dating. First thing…take a deep breath and RELAX. When it comes to talking about "sex" with your fourth grader, it's a whole different set of issues than what you are going to talk with your teenager about. Still, starting to talk about these issues at a young age is important. Talking early helps to establish a relationship with your kids that will continue as they get older. So that by the time they reach high school they'll not only know the facts, but they'll feel they can be open with you about their feelings and what's going on in their lives. Research shows that kids in families that talk early and openly about tough issues—and especially S-E-X-are more likely to turn to their parents when they're faced with a difficult situation.

If you can't quite overcome your discomfort, don't worry about it. The discussion is what is important and being honest about your awkward feelings shows your child how to face difficult situations. It's okay to say something like, "You know, I'm uncomfortable talking about sex because my parents never talked with me about it. But I want us to be able to talk about anything—including sex—so please come to me if you have any questions. And if I don't know the answer, I'll find out."

Some parents feel uncomfortable when talking about sex with their child who is of the opposite gender. There are ways to make it easier. If you're a single mother of a son, for example, you can turn to books to help guide you or ask your doctor for some advice on how to bring up the topic with your child. If there are two parents in the household, it might feel less awkward to have the dad talk with the boy and the mom with the girl. Though, if you're comfortable talking with either sons or daughters, go right ahead. Just make sure that gender differences don't make subjects like sex taboo.

And, finally, don't worry about knowing all the answers to your children's questions; what you know is a lot less important than how you respond. While discussions about sex and puberty can, at first, feel awkward, try not to let this be an excuse to close off conversation.

TALKING WITH KIDS ABOUT HIV/AIDS Most elementary school kids have heard something about HIV/AIDS. Unfortunately, few kids know the facts—which can lead to misunderstanding and fear. You can help by talking with your kids about HIV/AIDS. Start by finding out what your child knows about the illness. Much of their confusion at this age is about how HIV is transmitted; i.e., from person to person through contact with bodily fluids, and not by shaking hands or sharing a glass. You can tell them that there are things people do to help protect themselves from HIV. These include not having sex, or using a condom if they do. As a parent, you'll decide how much your child needs to know about HIV/AIDS and other issues. The main thing is to make sure your child feels safe and knows the facts.

Want to learn about what to talk about when? Click here for some tips on talking to your kindergartener, elementary school-age child, and middle school student.

BREAKING THE ICE
Some questions to help get the conversation going …

Have you noticed any changes in your body?

Do kids ever talk about kissing or boyfriends and girlfriends at school?

While you're watching TV with your kids, start a conversation by making an observation like: "Those two seem to fall in love quickly. What do you think is going on?"