Hello, citizens. I will now answer some your actual emails right here on my very own actual Web site, please. View them.

Email #1: "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SAY PLEASE??????????"

I am asked this question a lot, please. My parents taught me to say please when you want something, and what I want is to meet Amanda, please. Why do YOU use so many question marks, please???????


Email #2: "Why do you look so much like Amanda?"

Oh, if only it were true, please. Only one person on this green Earth can be as beautiful and talented as the sweet princess of comedy, Amanda. And that person is Amanda.


Email #3: "What does your nose look like?"

Your question confuses me, but I shall answer it anyway. My nose sits upon my face, in the center, and has two air holes in it. If you view a picture of me, it is the thing holding up my glasses, please.


Email #4: "I like the dancing crabbs!!!!"

I enjoy them as well, but they are neither "crabs" nor "crabbs," but are dancing lobsters, please.