How To Be A Villain

Posted on Sep 30, 2013

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Sure, everybody loves the good guy. But there's a true talent in mastering the art of evil. It's hard work! Even though arch nemeses are always getting a bad wrap, they still deserve some props. They're actually pretty awesome in a way (don't tell Splinter we said that). But what does it take to be awesomely evil? We've got the deets! Here are the exact things you need to be the most villainous villain, ever.

1: Hide your true identity.
For some reason, masks just make you scarier. Seriously! Shredder sports a helmet 24/7 and it frightens the living daylights out of us! Brrrrr -- we just got the chills.

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2: Get a weird pet.
We're not sure why, but villains are always walking around with the weirdest side kicks. Hairless cats, fat rats, squishy-green-sea-foam-thingies.... If you wanna be taken seriously as a villain get a humpback platypus, a chubby porcupine, ANYTHING!

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3: Master the "evil laugh."
Any time you come close to taking over the world, you HAVE to let out the longest, loudest, beefiest giggle you've ever gaggled. Is gaggle the right word? Is gaggle even a word? Anyway, if you're thinking of becoming the next ruler of the universe by threatening to destroy the moon, get the laugh right.

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4: Become overly obsessed with something totally random.
Seriously? What's the deal with Mr. Noodman and blueberries? He's like, scary obsessed. Has he ever heard of fruit before? Villains have issues... very odd issues....

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5: Wear dark colors.
Wearing black just makes you automatically intimidating. Don't believe us? Ask Tori Vega. She's been getting tortured by the queen of shadowy clothing, Jade West, for years. It just works. Evil in pink? Not so much.

Now that you have all the tips to becoming the perfect villain, you have one thing left to decide... Are you good or are you evil?? Muahahaha!


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SpongeZeus
If SpongeBob ruled the world...

that world would be full of Krabby Patties.

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