Hey guys! I'm doing Smellerbee again. This picks up right were her last entry left off.
I guess my only option is to come to terms about my feelings for Longshot. Things keep getting more complicated and I need to figure where we stand.
Do I like him as more then a friend or not? And if I do, do I tell him? Because if he didn't like me back then our friendship might be down the drain. And I don't want to lose him as a friend.
But really, why would he like me back? I'm not pretty, I don't do anything remotely girly, expect this journal could be seen as girly maybe? I don't know. I've seen plenty of boys who write in journals, so it's probably not girly unless you write about a bunch of mushy gushy stuff.
I mean, he could still see me as the little girl hiding in the woods crying. The one that held his hand and jumped at loud noises and sucked her thumb.
The little weakling Jet decided to take pity on. Jet didn't even like me for the longest time. It was Longshot who convinced him to let me join the freedom fighters.
When Jet finally did Longshot took me under his wing and taught my everything about being a Freedom Fighter. Now that I think about Longshot's always been my leader. Not Jet.
I don't want to mess everything up by telling him I like him. So that's it. I have feelings for my best friend. I'm not going to try to deny them. Denial has never worked for me.
It only causes more pain in the long run. I didn't want to think my family was dead. But they were. And when I finally excepted it, it was worse because I denied the fact for so long.
So the question is: Do I tell him or not? I've never been able to hide anything from Longshot. When I've tried to keep secrets they eventually come spilling out in some kind of garbled rush.
And then I have to repeat myself which is even worse than telling him the first time. I've noticed him looking at me lately. He's noticed something's been bothering me.
Pretty soon he'll ask and then I'll clam up and he'll just know. He'll know like he always does and then he'll just sit and stare at me untill I tell him. But what happens when I tell him?
Does he just brush it off and act like I never said anything? And then things will go back to the way they are but they'll always be those moments where it's really akward? Or will he just reject me?
No. He'd never be that harsh. At least I hope not. Or will he reciprocate my feelings? Tell me he likes me too? Probably not. But that'd be nice if he did. I guess he'll just act like I never told him. That'd be okay I guess.