Okay, here is the villain collaboration page I was telling you about on Friendix. My idea was for.... Actually, this might have to wait until the first villains are introduced. BUT, if you have an idea for three villains, post it here. And the villains' powers can be either dark, light, or neutral. It doesn't matter, as long as the villain is evil. After all, Teresa has dark powers, but she is on the side of good.
And anyone other than Puppy that clicked, be warned: spoilers await ye here. (A.K.A., this will contain content that has not yet been written, let alone put out to the boards.)
Rowan is PRowan10, topcat02, and probably SkyAngel15 as well.
She used to frequent the boards a bunch, but is now a lot less pleasant to be with, as she tends to... Self-promote. WAY too much.
~Gigi Strawberry feet.
@Chocy(can I call u that?)
I have to admit, I like your edited version better. Plus,I try my best with grammer. Also,I am not offended. I tend to try my best to be positive and open to editing.
I try to remember this.. "A harsh word stirs up anger, but a gentle word soothes." Well, the last part I'm not sure... The last part is similar.... Anywho, is the title 'Before the Dawn?'
Okay, I like it, but maybe could I do a bit of editing? Like, grammar-wise? Sorry if that offends you, I just like stories to be the best they can be, and it makes me very sad when a story is abandoned by everyone because of a silly title, bits of you're/your mix-ups, etc..
Here is the edited version (if you aren't completely adverse to editing).
I just kept running and tripping, trying to get caught. For Ember's sake, it was necessary.'Oh! Why don't hear anyone chasing me?!' I looked behind myself, purposefully tripping. Suddenly, I heard a scream. A totrured one, at that.'Ember! No,no,no! They got to you!' I scrambled to my feet, running as fast as possible.'Got to get to Headquarters! And fast!' I dodged branches, trying not to get smacked in the face. I slid down the small hill to rest a few minutes. But then, I heard fluttering of wings.'Don't get caught! Get to Headquarters!' My thought process was slowing down, down with my oxygen supply getting lower. I sucked in huge breaths as I ran beside the stream.' Faster!' I jumped into the stream, a cascade of bubbles surrounding me. With another deep breath, I dove underwater and swam to the underwater cave. 'Faster!' My heart quickened, pounding my ribs out, and my lungs started to burn. 'Where is that dumb, old entrance?' I brushed aside some seaweed, and there it was. I had found the entrance. I swam inside, careful to put the seaweed back in place. I doggie-paddled to the surface, where I took a big gasp of air. I climbed out, soaking wet and out of breath...
Yes, I do like it. I especially like how all of this is mentally-oriented, rather than talking. You don't see much of that. Because when there is a lot of dialogue, it is a lot easier to make it seem super long.
Which is why people tend to make it have a lot of dialogue.
In case you didn't notice, I did add in a few extra details. Tell me if you don't like it, and we can go back to previous.
I'm fine either way, but it is more fun to write when people love the story. And not saying they wouldn't like it previously, they just wouldn't be all 'ohmigosh. I love this. Blah-blah-blah.' They'd be lke 'oh, I like it. It's nice.' Which I have to admit to saying a couple times when I was too lazy to post better.
And now I need to go, so I might continue trying to keep you from being offended some other time.
~Gigi Strawberry feet.
I just kept running and tripping,trying to get caught.'Oh! Why do I not hear anyone chasing me!' I looked behind myself,purposely tripping. Suddenly,I heard a scream. A painful one at that.'Ember! No,no,no! They got to you!' I scrambled to my feet,running as fast as possible.'Got to get to Headquarters! And fast!' I dodged branches,trying not to get smacked in the face. I slid down the small hill to rest a few minutes. But then,I heard fluttering of wings.'Don't get caught! Get to Headquarters!' I ran beside the stream.'Faster!'Then,I jumped into the stream. I dove underwater and swam to the underwater cave.'Faster!' My heart quickened and my lungs started to burn.'Where is that dum,old entrance?' I brushed aside some seaweed and I found the entrance. I swam inside,careful to put the seaweed back in place. I dog-paddled to the surface,where I took a big gasp of air. I climbed out,soaking wet and out of breath...
What ya think?
I don't like it......I LOVE IT!!(hehe! I had u there,didn't I?). Ok,here's my character...
Appearance:Black hair a little past her shoulders w/dark blue streaks,dark brown eyes w/grey specks,pale skin,grey tanktop,black leather jacket,DARK midnight blue shorts w/black leggings just above her knees,DARK forest green combat boots,she's also 5'5
"Ember! Help!" My best friend, Scarlett, had tripped over a root.
"Okay! I'm coming!" I dashed over to her, and helped her up. In doing so, we were almost caught by a beam of corruption energy. "Quick! Let's get out of here!"
"I'm going to catch you!"
"Oh, no. Run!" Scarlett shouted. "I'll wait here and keep you from getting corrupted! I can resist!"
"No. Scarlett, come on. If it makes you feel better, we'll split up." I gave her a shove, and we darted in opposite directions. Scarlett seemed like she was trying to be caught, partially, so I wouldn't be. She is so much more the hero. I am kind of... Well, cowardly. I'll stay and fight, but I don't really have that 'saving others' instinct. And, just my luck, the enemy had chosen me as the target.
"Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no!" I was muttering to myself as I crashed through the leafy underbrush. "Oh, NO!" My long braid had been caught on a branch, at around the middle of my back- I don't know how high, but however many feet up it is on a four-foot-seven person. "Oh, no! Aargh!" The branch was refusing to let go of my braid, and if I let it rip some out, they would notice the dark red, or the dark black, if one of highlights was caught, immediately. It stood out against the vivid green of the leaves, as well as the branch and moss. Without me knowing, the enemy had sneaked up on me.
"No! Go away, Joy! Don't! Please!" I was begging on my knees, even though it would get my leggings dirty, which would be a major scolding from Lilith, normally called 'Lily'. She chose the HQ option when we formed our team. We were currently on a mission to steal the Tiara of Magix. I was the thief, Scarlett the bodyguard, and Lily gave us the information we needed. Except now she was going to take away the Tiara.
"Do you realize what that Tiara means to us light fairies? It is our one way to heal you dark fairies. Now hand it over." They just like to think that because they're 'light' fairies, they are the good ones. And so they try to 'heal' us. It corrupts us, because the light fairies are the evil ones.
"Go away!" I sobbed, again.
"Magnetify Tiara!" Joy is the fairy of Magnets. She always has one with her. She held one aloft, and the Tiara leaped out of my bag to her magnet. She touched it with one finger, making it stop being magnetized. It fell into her other hand.
"Tiara Corrupt!" She stuck it onto my head.
"No!!" I screamed in agony. A white light radiated from me, turning me into a light fairy. I knew my mind would go last. First, my clothes changed from my nice black shirt and leggings, and a red miniskirt and boots... They had the light washed over them. After the light passed over a certain part, the black parts turned into white, and my red clothing was turned into a baby blue- lighter, actually. Lighter than the sky. It was afwul. It even changed my hair! My beautiful black highlights were changed into gold. Literal gold. They stuck metal on my head! My red eyes were changed into a hideous light blue. I knew my fairy form was changing, too, judging from the pain on my insides. I could feel the tears streaming down my face.
But, wait... Light is good. I love being a light fairy. I am actually really glad Joy healed me. Now I must do the same for all my friends!
Ah, who am I kidding? Light fairies are better than everyone else, especially me, so I deserve to rule the world. I'm gonna turn those idiot dark fairies into light ones, so we can rule together. It'll amp up their smartness, power, and looks. I grinned at the prospect, and started laughing in anticipation.
So, what do you think of this? Ember is my character, so I'm going to be doing the evil POV's, probably. Scarlett's name is just a stand-in name. She will be your character, so... I need to know her appearance, power, and name. Because Scarlett is not going to be a permanent name.
~Gigi Strawberry feet.