ZEN AND THE ART OF SNARK MAINTENANCE

As an essential component of any Troop's arsenal, the Snark isn't just a tool to be used and put away, but a living creature worthy of love and respect.

Here are some tips to better take care of your Snark, so that it takes better care of you:

Always put in ear plugs before opening the Snark box. This is one of those rules that after the first time you forget it, you won't help forgetting again and again.

Snarks do not like having to wear furry little sweaters. Yes the look is cute, but Snarks are creatures of dignity who have been our friends for a good long time.

Never, ever feed a Snark after midnight. Not that they get dangerous, but then they stay up until morning and won't let you get any sleep.

BE SLIPPERY.

I'm a world-renowned expert on fighting tentacled creatures, but I won't be able to offer each of you one-on-one instruction. After all, there's only one of me.

The title of this post offers up my one overall suggestion when you're battling something with tentacles: Be slippery. Some of you probably know that the word "slippery" has more than one meaning, and all of them come into play here.

#1: Be physically slippery. Many Troop members pride themselves on being slime-free, but if you're slimy from head to toe, a tentacled monster will have a tough time getting a grip on you.

#2: Be mentally slippery. Keep your wits about you, and seize any opportunity to evade the tentacled creature's grasp. NOTE: Mentally slipperiness works best if you're physically slippery at the same time.

Good luck!

BEFORE YOU BLAST, SAY "HI."

As any well-trained Troop member knows, many monsters present a clear and immediate threat, but some are peaceful and even helpful. The next time you see an unfamiliar monster in the wild, I urge you to consider the possibility that it could be as friendly as a Gleegor or as useful as a Snark.

It's quite possible that even if you don't recognize a particular creature, it may be well known to other Troops. Consequently, its language may already be programmed into the universal translator. Saying, "Hi, how are you doing?" into the translator could be the start of a beautiful cross-species friendship instead of a bloody cross-species battle.

Remember: Sometimes a monster looks the scariest when it's scared. Sometimes a monster roars the loudest when it's lost and can't find the way home. It's common sense to approach monsters with caution, but I urge you to also approach them with an open mind. Good luck out there.