THAT'S NOT A MONSTER

I saw a monster in my house this morning. My alarm clock went off, and I had a really tough ju-jitsu class last night, so I was feeling it a little bit in my muscles. I was stretching and not really thinking as I headed toward the bathroom, until I saw A TENTACLE reaching out from beneath the bathroom door. So of course, I Stonehouse-Kicked the door as hard as I could, hoping to knock out whatever monster was there, and all it did was bang into the wall -- hard. Because there was no monster. It was an inside-out sock that I must've dropped in the bathroom last night.

I'm relieved that it wasn't that it wasn't the distant relative of a Kaiju, but most of all I'm glad I didn't call Felix and Jake for help on my watchcom. I would've felt so silly if they rushed over to help me with an inside out sock. *rolls eyes at self*

BTW... Don't tell Stockley about this or he'll probably try to put me on another Chillax Proviso. When is he going to realize that the only thing that chills me out is fighting monsters?

FAVORITE MONSTERS EVER

Felix, Jake and I put together a list of our top 10 favorite monsters.

1. Snark. They're not just cute, they're totally useful. The Snark is basically the main reason we can do our jobs, and since it's tiny, there's not much poop to clean up.

2. Dimension Mites. There is something very satisfying about sending monsters back to their own dimension, and these tiny creatures are the ones who make it possible. It's like we're getting rid of monsters AND helping them find their way home at the same time. It feels good.

3. Huggie Bear. Sometimes you need a hug, and if there's a huggie bear around, it's always willing to give you one.

4. Gleegor. Yes, it smells kinda nasty when it senses danger (and usually the rest of the time, too) but the gleegor is also a really good singer. If they ever make a pop star reality show for monsters, the Gleegor will definitely make it to Hollywood. Maybe they'll give it a makeover.

5. Grootslang. None of us has seen one of these in person (yet), but we are all hoping to someday. They're supposed to be relatively friendly, and they look like a giant swimming elephant-snake creature. How awesome is that?

6. Hive monster. Ultimately the swarm that invaded Lakewood turned everyone's brain to goo, but for a while, everybody was REALLY friendly. It was nice... until it just got weird.

7. Danker. Jake really bonded with it for some reason. Maybe because they're both slimy. (Haha, just kidding, Jake)

8. Globular Hydrodragon. We love GHs like the Loch Ness Monster, because when monsters can chill out and live peacefully in our dimension, it makes our jobs a lot easier.

9/10. TIE: Gelatinous Cube and Eris Fairy. Felix really wanted both of these on the list, but Jake and I weren't feeling it. Felix is friends with the cube and he thinks the Eris is cute... so they get to tie for last place. (I still can't believe the Eris gets a place on this list after ruining Valentine's Day. She is NOT one of my personal favorites. And neither is the cube -- I still can't believe I got stuck in Jake's body that time!!)

Anyway, that's our list. What are your favorite monsters? Post a comment if you feel like it.

MEET THE ONE-HORNED DIABLO.

According to International, it's the only One-Horned Diablo that's ever been captured, and it's right here in our containment area.

When we caught it, it was trying to eat an old woman, but luckily we got her away, and restrained the monster before it could take a bite. When we took the Snark out (to wipe the lady's memory), the Diablo looked like it was going to bust free and eat the Snark. Good thing we had the freeze ray ready!

Felix has been running some tests, and he says the monster gains the abilities of whatever it eats. Sorry, monster, you can't snack on me -- even if it would be pretty funny to see you cheering for Lakewood...

CHESSED OUT

Have you ever played a game so much that you started feeling like the whole world was the game?

My mom and I went to a diner yesterday, and the floor had black and white tiles. The whole time, I felt like I was on a giant chess board. I kept thinking "I can only walk in straight lines" like a queen or "I have to move in an L-shape" like a knight. I was literally walking around the diner like a human chess piece. I probably looked SO crazy to the other customers.

I was thinking of going to a chess competition this weekend, but now I'm not so sure... I might need a break from this game. At least until I can walk across a checkerboard floor like a normal person.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE WOMBATS!

Roxanne thinks we need some more creative cheers this season, so I'm hoping to get on her good side by making some up. Here are two cheers I've come up with so far... What do you think?

Cheer 1:

W-O-M-B-A-T-S!
We're from Lakewood,
and we are the best!

We're fierce, we're fast
We're ready for combat,
GO.... Wombats!

Cheer 2:

You oughta know,
From the beginning.
We are the Wombats
And we love winning!
W-O-M-B-A-T.
We're the best team you'll ever see.
Wombats! Wombats!

p.s. The wombat crossing sign is just to make this blog post cuter. It doesn't have anything to do with cheerleading.

TECH-CESSORIZING

The Freeze Ring Felix designed was a bit too large for me to feel comfortable wearing on a daily basis (I prefer more subtle jewelry), but it did get me thinking. I love accessorizing, and Felix is great at inventing tech stuff. Maybe someday we could team up to design a whole line of cute, wearable weapons.

Most of the Troop's current tech is focused more on function than fashion, and that makes total sense. When you're fighting monsters, you want to have the best possible tools. I'm just saying: It would be awesome if those tools/weapons/gadgets looked great with your outfit, right?

Example #1: I'd love if the Troop offered a larger variety of watchcoms, so I wouldn't always be staring at the same thing on my wrist.

Example #2: I'd like to see a Spectrometer that looks more like a smart phone or mp3 player. That way, there'd be fewer people asking "What IS that?" and we'd save time on Snarkings. Also, if the Spectrometer were the size of a common, non-Troop gadget, we'd have a million protective cases to choose from. (See, my tech-cessory idea also helps keep our gadgets safe from scratches.)

Anyway, I'll have to talk to Felix about all this at some point. Maybe once we get the ideas together, we can even ask Jake to do some sketches...

SHOPPING FOR BOYS IS HARD

What do you get a guy for Valentine's Day? I think it must be SO much easier to shop for a girl. Just get some roses or something huggable, and you're done.

Guys are tricky though. I'm trying to figure out what to get Brian... and every idea just seems wrong.

So much stuff in the stores says "I love you" on it, and I like Brian a lot, but we've only been together for about a week, and that just seems too soon for an "I love you" gift.

Do I go with chocolate? I mean, he'd probably like it, but then he'd throw the box away and there'd be nothing left to remember our Valentine's Day. Hmm. This is an option though, if I can find some in a box that's not too girly or lacy looking.

The other idea I had was to make him a mix cd with a playlist of songs that I think he would like. I actually like this idea a lot... but I hope it doesn't make me look cheap. I don't think it will. Coming up with a good mix will take some time, but I don't mind thinking about Brian for a few hours. He is SUCH a cutie... :)

TO DO

This is just a reminder list for myself because I'm having a crazy week. (Please ignore)

-history hmwk
-math hmwk
-text roxanne about Sat.
-party invites for michelle?
-cupcakes?
-what to wear to party?
-water Mrs. Worden's plants (2x)
-Foods 4 Little Dudes meeting
-find my blue headband!!
-borrow mom's camera?
-ideas for english essay by tomorrow
-Whatever else I'm forgetting...

I <3 WOMBATS!!

I was reading through some of my comments and I saw one from LUCYISREAL asking "why r u so into wombats!??!?!?!"

Umm... maybe because they're AWESOME?

Seriously, though, I like wombats for a million reasons, including these:

* They seem soooo huggable.
* Wombats are super-cute, but they're also kind of fierce. They can run really fast if they sense danger. I like that cute/tough combination.
* Just look at its nose. I could just kiss it!
* They are Lakewood's school mascot.

In conclusion, wombats are the best.

xoxo,
Hayley

MY GRAY BOOTS: A TRAGEDY

I woke up this morning and was like "Where are my gray boots? I haven't seen them in a while."

My gray boots are (or were ) my favorite boots ever. They were flat on the bottom, but they had pretty good traction, so I wore them on lots of Troop missions. They fit my calves perfectly, and they looked great over jeans. And they had a cute little buckle/strap thing on the ankles. So anyway, this morning I couldn't find them anywhere, and I was trying to remember the last time I saw them.

This is the sad part: I realized that I was wearing my gray boots the day my Troop got misted by a Borlak. The purple misty stuff dissolved everything we had on, including a pair of jeans that were really comfy and my black jacket, which was perfect for cool-but-not-cold days. Not to mention my panda socks. : (

But yeah, it's those boots I'll miss the most. If you ever have to face a Borlak, don't forget to spritz everything you're wearing with mosquito repellant... even your shoes.

PATROLLING WITH A SCARF? READ THIS FIRST.

As some of you know, I love to accessorize, even when I'm on patrol. On cold gray days, a colorful scarf can brighten up an entire outfit.

Scarves have a downside though. I guess by now, we've all heard the story about that Troop member from Maine who got eaten by a Slithering Fanged Bantoo after her scarf got caught on a branch. I thought it was just an old Troop myth, but I did a little research, and it turned out it's true.

Despite that, I think it's possible to look good without putting yourself in danger. You just have to use good judgment. A few tips:

1. Don't knot your scarf. Instead of wrapping a scarf around your neck, I recommend wearing it loosely over your shoulders. That way, if you're running for your life and it catches on something, it'll slip right off. You can always go back and find it after your mission is complete.

2. If you must knot it, tuck the ends inside your jacket. In very cold weather, it's fine to wrap the scarf around your neck -- as long as you tuck the ends in. That way, they can't possibly catch on anything and your neck will stay snuggly warm.

3. Wear scarves with fringe. This might not make you any safer, but it will make you cuter. And really, isn't that what accessories are all about?

OBSERVATIONS ON J-TROOP.

I'm still not 100% clear on which of us International wanted observing what this week, so I'm just going to say:

It was great working side by side with the J-Troop to capture the Borklak. Yuki, Keiko, and Akira, it was so nice to meet you guys! My favorite moments from this week:

1. Fighting monsters with other girls for once. (Felix and Jake, you know I love you, but this was a nice change.)
2. The moment when we finally took the Borlak down.
3. Jujitsu with Akira. : )
4. Sneaking back to the dock to return the fishermen's clothes. It was a lot more relaxing out by the lake once I knew the Borlak had been captured. Yay for monster-free waters!

IT'S ADOPT-A-MONSTER DAY!

LOL, j/k. We all know there's no such thing. But I got to Troop HQ a few minutes early today, saw this little guy in the Monster Database, and fell in love.

For about five seconds, I was like "Ooh, I want an Orang-Bati!" I thought it would be small enough to hold in my hand, and I could like... let it take naps in my shoe or something. But then I read the description. Turns out they're four feet tall and they sometimes eat pets. :O

If I want to adopt a furry friend, I'm going to an animal rescue place instead. Monsters are way too dangerous and unpredictable to have around the house. (Except maybe the snark. I'd love having a pet that tiny!)

REPTICORE SIMULATION TIP

Jake kept beating my score on the new simulator mission, which was driving me crazy because what does he know about battling repticores? The last time he met one, it ATE HIM! (And I feel like it's worth pointing out that he's also the genius who attracted it to Lakewood in the first place.)

Anyway, I just tried the Raging Repticore mission again, and I realized that a fun thing to do is to pretend Jake is inside the stomach of each repticore you blast. Every time you see one, picture Jake inside its belly, all covered in repticore stomach juices. I bet you'll get a higher score. I know I did!

RUN, WOMBAT, RUN!

This photo kills me! Every time I look at it, I picture that little wombat running down the football field. I like to pretend that in his left front paw (the side not shown in the photo) he's carrying a little wombat-sized football and he's just about to score a touchdown for Lakewood!

YAY!!!!

THE DANKER IS MESSING WITH MY AVERAGE.

The Danker licked a hole in my notebook. I know it wasn't intentional, and I can't be mad at a monster as friendly as the Danker (even if it has a razor-sharp tongue), but how am I going to explain the hole sliced right through my history notebook?!? Mr. Horton is going to flip out.

I guess this is a reminder to everyone not to do homework in Troop HQ. If you absolutely have to, don't do it anywhere near the Danker.

AWW... I WANT A WOMBAT.

Don't worry, I'm not crushing on any of the Lakewood athletes. (The Wombat is our school mascot.)

Somehow I had never seen a photo of a real live wombat until just now. I love the internet for showing me this snuggly-wuggly widdle wombat, all wrapped up in a towel. OK, I'm officially putting "Trip to Australia" on my life's to-do list. That's where wombats live in the wild. From now on, wombats aren't just my favorite team -- they're my favorite animal. : )

HAUNTING IS FUN.

That makes it sound like I'm a ghost, but I promise I'm still human. : )

I just had to blog this: If you ever have the chance to help out with a haunted house, especially if it's for a good cause, just say "yes". I learned a ton working on the F4LD house, so here are some tips on how to be creepy. Please only use them if you're making a haunted house... not in everyday life. haha.

- Act scary. This is easy for some people but it was hard for me. I kept smiling every time I tried to make a weird face. (It's hard to look evil when you're happy.)

- Keep it dark. It's so tempting to keep a few lights on so people can see all your hard work, but the darker a place is, the scarier it seems. And that's what it's all about, right?

- Make scary sounds. I had this idea of having volunteers hide behind stuff in the haunted house, and start screeching and tapping on things as people walk by, and I think it would've really freaked the customers out. But nobody from F4LD wanted to sit behind a fake grave making creepy sounds all night. Oh well. I guess a "Halloween Sounds" CD is better than nothing.

- Get fake cobwebs. Real cobwebs would probably be creepier, but with the fake kind, you can pretend you're a giant spider and stretch them across everything in the room. (Some Halloween, I want to dress up as a spider so I can do that everywhere I go!)

I MISS YOU, MS. WHISKERS!!

I know most cats don't hang out on the Troop Grid, but I just wanted to explain why I've been a bit stressed out lately. If anyone in the Lakewood area sees this cat around town, PLEASE contact me ASAP.

Ms. Whiskers, the kitty love of my life, has been missing for a few weeks now. She likes to wander off, so we don't let her out in the yard unless we're there to keep an eye on her. I haven't seen her since the night of my sleepover, and I'm starting to think she might've snuck out. One of the girls was hosting a Vespinox (which kind of ruins a sleepover, sigh) and everything got all crazy, and it's possible I left the front door open for a few minutes while we were trying to capture it.

Ms. Whiskers, I miss you so much. I hope you come home soon. I miss our snuggles.

CHECK THIS OUT!!!

I was so mad at Jake for ruining my drama club debut, but people actually liked his crazy-bad acting. SO many people came up and congratulated me after the show. I thought they must be joking until I saw this review. They really liked it!

I still think I'm going to torture Jake by making him listen to my final monologue from Act 5 a few more times. That way, I won't feel like I memorized it all for nothing. :)

HOW DOTH THIS SOUND TO THEE?

MAYBE I'M OKAY WITH THAT

<3 Hayley

ROXANNE HATES ME.

She would probably hate me even more if she knew I found her note on the floor and posted it in my Troop blog. (I just had to show someone, so you'll get how mean she is.)

WHAT'S THE BUZZ?

Today after school, I was on my way to cheerleading practice when I started hearing this weird, loud buzzing sound. I probably should've just ignored it, but my Troop-ness kicked in, and I had to go investigate. I walked around the whole school, indoors and out, and found nothing. Then I realized I couldn't hear it anymore. I asked a few people, but nobody else heard it.

So anyway, because of the buzz, I got to cheerleading practice a few minutes late, and Roxanne (the head cheerleader) was SO MAD at me. She completely ignored me for the rest of practice, and when I asked a question about the new routine, she pretended not to hear me. I'm not sure which is worse... hearing loud, mysterious buzzes... or Roxanne's silent treatment because I showed up late.

Whatever is out there (or in my head?) making that buzzing sound, you are NOT going to make me late for practice again. I'll just cover my ears.

JAKE HEARTS TREES

Today in English class, I saw a tree out the window. That got me thinking about Jake and his tree girl and what a lovely couple they'd make.

Don't worry, Jake. I'll stop making fun of you soon... as soon as I forget that you're crushing on a tree.

Hugs
Hayley

*****IF YOUR NAME IS JAKE, DO NOT WATCH THIS EITHER*****

JAKE STINKS

I am serious. The boy still smells like Fire Salamander carcass combined with Repticore digestive fluid. It's so unbelievably nasty, I could die. I flat out refuse to share the elevator to headquarters with him until he takes approximately twelve more showers.

Jake, if you're reading this, please stop. Go take a shower instead.

Thanks in advance,
Hayley

*****IF YOUR NAME IS JAKE COLLINS, DO NOT WATCH*****

Seriously, Jake, or I'll show everyone what you keep in your locker. YOU DO NOT WANNA TRY ME.

THE SENIOR DANCE

Hey, guys. The big Senior Shakedown dance is THIS WEEKEND! Check out the flyer. Felix and his A/V crew are DJ-ing... Should be fun.

SLIME-POO

Ew, that sounds nasty, but this blog entry isn't. Or maybe it is? You tell me.

I just wanted to say that last night, after I got home from Troop headquarters, I realized I had a big glob of pink slime in my hair. I know, yuck. I hope nobody saw. Anyway, I took a quick shower to rinse it out, and today my hair feels SUPER soft.

I'm not sure which monster it came from, but if I figure out who slimed me, I'm going to stock up. I mean, it even kind of smells like strawberries. How crazy is that?