LAMPS = YOUR FUTURE.

Career Day is coming, and the title of this post might sound like I'm urging you to pursue a job in the lighting industry, but in fact, I'm urging you to model your future after my own success.

Before you started reading this post, "lamps" was probably just another word to you. Think lamps are just things that light a room? After you read this post, LAMPS could light your way toward a rewarding career in school administration.

Here's what LAMPS means in terms of school administration:

Leadership.
Ambition.
Motivation.
Potential.
Success.

These five words represent both the attributes you must possess to become a successful school administrator and the traits you'll want to inspire in others along the way. School administration isn't just about your own success -- it's about encouraging all the students who look up to you to succeed in their own ways. It's a job that is bursting with rewards, especially if you're lucky enough to work in the same building as a lunch lady who bakes the world's most delicious lemon squares.

I'm looking forward to meeting with lots of future school administrators at this week's career fair. My advice: don't come to the fair empty handed. Bring a notebook -- and your LAMPS.

TAKE A MINUTE TO SMILE.

The latest Healthy Troop Leader newsletter brightened my morning with a timely reminder: Happiness matters. It's good for your body and your soul to lighten up from time to time. That's why I'm using my blog to share a funny picture with you.

Nothing makes a grown man chuckle like a dog wearing headphones. I can't help wondering what he's listening to. Snoop Dogg? Bow Wow? The Black Eyed Puppies?

Oh, I crack myself up. Have a great day, everyone, and remember to stay positive. If you're ever feeling down, you can always come back and take another look at this entry.

STOCKLEY'S FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS, PART I

When people meet me for the first time, they always have the same question, and so let me answer it right now: "The bathroom is down the hall to the left."

Another question I get on a regular basis is about my marital status. This one is harder to answer. The fact is, I am available, but being an extraordinarily good-looking single man with a career on the fast track isn't all its cracked up to be. As someone who could be described as "the total package," I find that I intimidate women. Especially when I approach a woman and tell her that if she's lucky, the gentleman in the perfectly tailored suit may just buy her a soft drink or similar beverage. She usually gets so nervous that she laughs right in my face and then ignores me.

I urge all the women on Troop Grid who may be harboring feelings for me to stay strong. Believe in yourself, and consider letting another man into your heart, even if he's not quite as handsome or charming as ol' Stockley himself.

If any gentlemen out there feel jealous of me, remember: Every rose has its thorn, and the thorn in my side is that I'm too well put-together.

THE MANY BENEFITS OF A BROKEN MUG

When my World's Best Troop Leader mug fell victim to student rough-housery, I took it hard. Lucky for me, this week I stopped by the bookstore downtown to pick up a little light reading and found Upbeat! Persuade Yourself Positive on the 75%-off rack.

I've only read the first chapter, but here's what I've already realized:

* I didn't lose a coffee cup -- I gained a pencil holder.
* By keeping the mug in a prominent location, I am constantly reminding myself and others of my "World's Best" status, and I don't even have to drink coffee to do it.
* I finally have a place to display all the pens I've collected at prestigious school administrator conferences throughout our region.

Even leaky and cracked, this mug is truly a source of pride. It shows my colleagues that the World's Best Troop Leader (me) is a forgiving, resourceful, and confident man with an upbeat attitude.

HEADED OUT

I'm going to be taking a few personal days this week, so if I'm slower than usual to respond to messages, it probably means one of these things:

* I'm neck deep in a bath of warm, organic "wellness" mud imported from the Czech Republic. Soothing to the skin and the soul.

* My eyes are closed, because I'm in the midst of a long-awaited apple ginger avocado facial. Mmm... I can smell it already.

* I can't hear you over the fireworks.

* I turned my ringer off, because when I'm at the spa, I want to detach, relax, and refocus. If it's urgent, leave a message.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT.

This lovely lady is why I believe in a little thing I call "the ol' holiday magic." When I look at Linda, I hear sleigh bells ring-ting-tingling in my heart. I wanted a picture, so I surreptitiously took this one while pretending to send my mother a text.

I don't want to rush anything by using the d-word (dating), so I will just say that Linda and I are seeing each other. We plan to see each other again this week, and I was thinking maybe we'd take a little drive around Lakewood to check out the holiday lights. Just the Pacer, my lady, and I.

If that's not holiday magic, I don't know what is.

YOUR MOST ESSENTIAL WEAPON

The other day, a Troop member asked me why we don't always walk around with weapons, in case we get attacked by monsters. I figured I'd post my answer here, in case any of you are wondering the same thing.

"A person who knows how to use their brain is always fully armed."

That reminds me of an anecdote. It happened in 1967, to a boy in the Pittsburg Troop. A Massive Furry Milzig had the boy's sister cornered in the school bathroom, and this kid grabbed a can of hairspray and emptied the entire thing on the monster. Well, as you know, a Milzig's body is covered with fur, which became so stiff from the spray that it couldn't move, and this kid was able to roll it all the way to the containment unit. He saved the day, and his sister, and nobody got hurt. Not even the monster!

PECAN PIE: A METAPHOR FOR FAMILY

There is nothing like a slice (or two) of my mother's pecan pie, still warm from the oven. It's a real treat, just like spending Thanksgiving with family. My family is full of love and a little bit nutty -- just like the perfect pecan pie.

My Thanksgiving wish for Troop members all over this fine country: May you spend the day with pecan pie and pecan pie people. Eat well and be well.

STOCKLEY'S THREE PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP

Once in a generation comes a natural-born Troop leader, a commander who embodies what I like to call the three principles of leadership. These are the rules I live and breathe by:

1. Be Compassionate. In my own monster-fighting days, I once encountered a Danker in the woods that had a broken leg. Although my fellow Troop members, Sir Smooth and Sir Pop 'n' Lock, wanted to put it out of its misery, I nursed it back to health and it became our mascot. Lucky thing, too, because it helped us sniff out a Helmatrop a month later (which almost makes up for the time it chased the dean of discipline onto the roof).

2. Be Energetic. Running the Lakewood Troop is a 25-hour-a-day job -- and I'm also a school administrator. Between running Lakewood Troop headquarters, ordering supplies, monitoring the containment grid, and giving Troop members the benefit of my sage advice, I barely have a moment to sit and enjoy a delicious cream-filled chocolate-dipped doughnut with sprinkles. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

3. Be Punctual. If this blog entry was due tomorrow, I'd have it written a week ago yesterday.

A NOTE ON PERSONAL HYGIENE

While I can certainly understand our Troop members' desire to look and smell their best when on the hunt for monsters, I will remind you that the Troop Field Manual advises against wearing cologne or perfume on duty.

Believe me, no one enjoys a good dab of Eau de Hombre behind the ear more than Old Stockley, but a lot of the monsters we hunt have an enhanced sense of smell, and nothing makes it harder to sneak up on a creature than smelling like the floor of a French department store.

TEAMWORK, CAPTURED IN PIXELS

While clearing out my hard drive, I found this photo I snapped at Troop HQ one day. From left to right, that's Felix, Hayley, and Jake. There's something else in this photo, too: TEAMWORK.

This photo captures my Troop members in a moment where they're 100% focused on the task at hand. When they work together, they exemplify the very meaning of teamwork. They're a team, and they work hard day after day to keep our town safe.

I'd like to give my team a virtual high-five. Keep it up, Lakewood.

MONSTER-FIGHTING PHILOSOPHY

I like to start every day with a good cup of coffee and a great quote. Today I found one that applies to Troop members around the world:

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster." - Friedrich Nietzsche

A smart guy, that Nietzsche. When you're out there fighting monsters, it's important to stay true to yourself. Otherwise, you're letting the monsters win.

STOCKLEY'S THREE RULES FOR A HAPPY LIFE

1. Dressing right is feeling right. If clothes make the man, then call this man (me) a well-tailored suit.

2. Use the right tool for the right job. After all, you can't catch an Akkorokamui with a trap built for a Globular Hydrodragon, even though they both live in water.

3. There's nothing so important that you can't take a moment and enjoy a good, well-made lemon square. Of course, not everyone loves lemon squares -- for you it might be the smell of a flower, or a favorite piece of music, or even talking to a family member. The point is, whatever it is that makes you happy, it's worth taking time out of your day to appreciate it, even if it's only five minutes.

KNIGHTS OF EVERLASTING FUNK

I mainly use this blog to post Troop updates, but this week, I thought I'd use it to share a little bit of Troop history.

20 years ago, these gentlemen were some of the best monster hunters out there, and their breakdancing skills were no joke. That's Ted in the red, Jeffrey in the yellow, and that handsome fella in front may look familiar. Yes, that's me in my Troop days, back when I was known as "Sir Flash". Together, we're the Knights of the Everlasting Funk.

I haven't seen Ted or Jeffrey in years, but this week, we're all getting together for a little reunion. As I was digging around for old photos, I came across some of my breakdancing albums from back in the day. Run-DMC is still good stuff. I just tried a few of the old moves to "Rock Box" and it's all coming back.

Ted and Jeffrey don't know that I'm working as an Assistant Vice Principal now. I have a feeling I'm the most successful Knight, so I hope they aren't jealous of their old friend. My life is pretty hard to beat... I've got a great job and I can still pop-n-lock it like a pro.

REPTICORE ALERT

As you may have heard, we recently had a Repticore sighting in Lakewood, which developed into a potentially life-threatening confrontation for several of my Troop members. That particular threat has been neutralized, but I want to remind everyone out there that Fire Salamanders MUST be treated with the greatest care. Their goo is a powerful Repticore attractant.

Some monster experts formerly believed the Repticore to be extinct, but the Lakewood Troop has proven that they are still out there and still very dangerous. Please do your best to contain Fire Salamanders according to procedure, and proceed with extreme caution in their presence.

APTITUDE

Every year as I'm scoring aptitude tests, I find myself pondering the very concept of "aptitude." Aptitude isn't a measure of how smart or talented you are. It's a measure of how smart or talented you could be if you work at the absolute peak of your abilities.

A question worth writing on a sticky note in a prominent place: Are you living up to your aptitude?

Just something to think about. I hope the answer is "Yes!"