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AwesomenessTV

Hashtag Epic Fail

- 1,082. 1,083. [sighs] PERHAPS I'LL NEVER REACH THE CENTER. OH, HELLO, AND WELCOME TO KID HISTORY, WHERE WE UNCOVER THE INCREDIBLE TRUE STORIES BEHIND THE EVENTS OF KID LIFE. TODAY'S LESSON: SOME ARGUE THE FIRST PILLOW FIGHT ON RECORD OCCURRED IN 1588, WHEN TWO SIBLING PILLOWS WOULDN'T STOP ARGUING OVER WHO GOT MORE SPACE ON THE BED. OTHERS WILL TELL YOU THAT PILLOW FIGHTING ORIGINATED IN 1731, WHEN BEDDING WAS SO SCARCE, PEOPLE WOULD HOLD STREET-WIDE BRAWLS JUST TO GET SOME COMFORTABLE SLEEP. BUT THE REAL STORY TOOK PLACE YEARS LATER, IN THE 1840S, WHEN THE FEARSOME FRUNCH BROTHERS OF NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE HAD A CHANCE TO HEAD WEST FOR THE GOLD RUSH AND TURNED IT DOWN. THEY PREDICTED ANOTHER INDUSTRY WAS ON THE RISE, AND IT COULD MAKE THEM MILLIONAIRES. both: CHICKEN RACING. - THAT'S RIGHT, PETER AND DOYLE FRUNCH THOUGHT THERE WAS MONEY IN POULTRY ATHLETICS. THEIR SCHEME TO TURN CLUCKS INTO BUCKS HAD ONLY ONE PROBLEM. - WE DON'T GOT NO CHICKENS, PETER. - BUT THE FARMER NEXT DOOR DID. [chicken clucks] SO THE GUYS HATCHED A PLAN. - GET IT? "HATCHED?" - [laughs] NOT REALLY. - THEY WERE GONNA BREAK INTO THE NEIGHBOR'S BARN, STEAL HER BIRDS, AND BE OFF TO THE RACES. - GET IT? "RACES?" - [chuckles] NOT REALLY. - THE FRUNCH BROTHERS MIGHT HAVE BEEN SCARY, BUT THEY WERE ALSO STUPID. SEE, THE ENTIRE TIME THEY WERE PLANNING THE CHICKEN HEIST, THEY WERE DOING SO WITH THE DOOR WIDE OPEN. HECK, THE FARMER WALKED PAST THE PLACE THREE SEPARATE TIMES, ENOUGH TO GET THE WHOLE STORY. THAT NIGHT, SHE PLUCKED ONE FEATHER FROM EACH OF HER CHICKENS AND GLUED THEM ONTO, YOU GUESSED IT, PILLOWS. SHE THEN PLACED THE DUMMY BIRDS IN THEIR COOP AND WENT TO BED. THE BURGLARS SOON REACHED THE BARN, SAW THEIR FINE, FEATHERED LOOT, AND DECIDED TO POUNCE. BUT IT WAS ONLY AFTER THEY GRABBED THE CHICKADEES THAT THEY REALIZED... - THESE AIN'T CHICKADEES, DOYLE. - COCK-A-DOODLE-DUPED. PETER AND DOYLE BLAMED EACH OTHER FOR THE BLUNDER, AND IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE THEY WERE USING THEIR FAKE CHICKENS AS REAL WEAPONS. NOW WHILE THIS LITTLE, SHALL WE SAY, PILLOW FIGHT WAS HAPPENING, THE FARMER ALERTED THE SHERIFF. AND, IN NO TIME, THE FRUNCH BROTHERS WERE LOADED INTO THE PADDY WAGON FOR BEING A COUPLE OF BAD EGGS. - [laughs] GET IT? "BAD EGGS?" - NO. - BUT HOW DID THE BROTHERS' BEHAVIOR FIND ITS WAY INTO THE HALL OF FAME OF KID PASTIMES? SIMPLE: THE FARMER'S SON WAS WATCHING THE WHOLE THING. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT: THE STORY BEHIND THE FIRST PILLOW FIGHT. JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR THE HISTORY OF THE HOMEWORK EXCUSE. - [laughs creepily] WELCOME TO MY LAIR. IT IS I... THEY SAY THAT IT'S INNER BEAUTY THAT COUNTS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR US VAMPIRES, WE HAVE NO INNER BEAUTY. WE'RE UGLY, HORRID, BLOODTHIRSTY MONSTERS INSIDE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T LOOK PRESENTABLE. IT'S TIME FOR A VAMPIRE MAKEOVER. [rock music] SO, WHEN YOU'RE BUILDING YOUR FIRST, OR ANY, CASTLE, WHAT YOU WANT TO START WITH IS THE FOUNDATION. YOU WANT TO PICK SOMETHING THAT'S CLOSE TO YOUR NATURAL SKIN TONE. BABY POWDER DOES THE TRICK. I USE... "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT CHALK." SINCE A LOT OF MAKEUP IS WATER-BASED, BE SURE TO CALL THE CUSTOMER SERVICE NUMBER ON THE BACK TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S NOT HOLY WATER-BASED, BECAUSE YOUR FACE WILL MELT AND YOU WILL DIE. [ding] DUE TO THE WHOLE "NO REFLECTION" THING, APPLYING LIPSTICK CAN BE A GRUESOME TASK. ONE THING WE CAN DO IS USE ONE OF THESE VERY HELPFUL HUMAN MASKS. [rock music] ♪ YOU CAN ORDER ONE OF THESE ON MY WEBSITE, OR YOU CAN JUST CUT OUT ANY FACE OUT OF ANY MAGAZINE. - YEAH! - MM-HMM. WELL, I MEAN, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. - CAN I JUST SEE WHAT SHE'S-- - SHH! - ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT LIKE THAT? I GOT YOU. THINK I KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS. PRINCESS FAIRY CAKES DOESN'T REALLY LIKE THE WAY SHE LOOKS. - WELL, SHE'S BEEN EATING ALL MY MAKEUP LATELY. I MEAN, IS SHE TRYING TO WEAR IT OR SOMETHING? [record scratch effect] - EWW. - UH, HOW IS WEARING THE MAKEUP MORE GROSS THAN EATING IT? - HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR FACE? IT LOOKS LIKE A TWO-YEAR-OLD'S COLORING BOOK. - UHH! - JEEZ, MAYBE EATING THE MAKEUP WILL MAKE YOU A LITTLE PRETTIER ON THE INSIDE. - LOOK, I'VE HAD PRINCESS FAIRY CAKE FOR YEARS, AND SHE'S NEVER ACTED OUT LIKE THIS. - WELL, YOU NEVER LOOKED LIKE YOU GOT JUMPED BY A GANG OF ANGRY RAINBOWS BEFORE. PRINCESS FAIRY CAKES, NOT IN MY OFFICE! - WHAT? - OKAY, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK. LIA, COME ON, TELL HER. - NO, NO. IT'S OKAY, WE DON'T NEED LIA'S HELP. I CAN HEAR YOU WITH MY GIANT EARS. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - YOU THINK MY EARS ARE GINORMOUS. THAT'S WHY YOU PUT THIS BOW IN MY HAIR. - NO, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY. - YOU'RE SO OBSESSED WITH BEING PRETTY THESE DAYS. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST ROLLING OUT OF BED, NOT CARING WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS? HMM? - OKAY, LOOK... LET'S JUST GET ONE THING STRAIGHT. I LOVE YOU, BUT I DO NOT WEAR MAKEUP BECAUSE I THINK I'M UGLY. PLEASE, OKAY? I JUST DO IT TO EXPRESS MYSELF, AND IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE BOW, YOU COULD HAVE JUST TAKEN IT OFF. - OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. LIKE, I COULD HAVE JUST TOTALLY TAKEN IT OFF, WITH MY OPPOSABLE THUMBS THAT I TOTALLY HAVE. - OHH. BABY, MOMMY LOVES YOU. YOU'RE PERFECT. - I DIDN'T MEAN IT WHEN I SAID THAT YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY A BOX OF CRAYOLAS. - YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT. - I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT I SAID THAT. - [scoffs] - [sighs] I THINK BECKY MADE A GREAT POINT TODAY. SHE LIKES TO WEAR MAKE-UP TO EXPRESS HERSELF. SO, PRINCESS FAIRY CAKES, HOW CAN WE HELP YOU EXPRESS YOURSELF? - YES, ANYTHING YOU WANT, REALLY. - WELL, FIRST OF ALL, PRINCESS FAIRY CAKES IS MY SLAVE NAME. CALL ME "DANGER BUNNY." - UH, OKAY, DANGER... BUNNY? - AND I WANT A NOSE PIERCING. - UH, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE SO HARD CORE, PRINCESS... I MEAN, UH, DANGER BUNNY. - AND I WANT A TATTOO... OF A CARROT... ON FIRE. - LET'S KEEP THIS DIALOGUE OPEN FOR NEXT WEEK. - NOBODY GETS ME. TODAY, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A BAMBOO-WRAPPED ZEN CANDLE. IT MAY LOOK TOTALLY HARD. BUT IT'S TOTES UBER-EASY. SO D-I-WHY-DON'T-CHA DO ONE-- OH--AH! [sighs] I HA--NA--NAMASTE. MINUS THE HOSPITAL BILLS, MAKING YOUR OWN CANDLES IS A GREAT WAY TO DECORATE YOUR HOUSE. PLUS, TO MAKE GIFTS FOR YOUR STRESSED OUT FRIENDS OR MAYBE YOUR, LIKE, PHYSICAL THERAPIST, ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME OLD CANDLES, SOME WICKS, SOME WICK STICKERS, UH, POT HOLDERS, A HOT BOILER. NOW I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE YOUR DOUBLE BOILER. BUT FIRST, YOU'RE GONNA WANNA CUT UP YOUR CANDLES INTO SMALLER PIECES SO THAT THEY'RE EASILY MORE MELT-ABLE. THAT'S HOW TO DO IT. BUT JUST ACTUALLY INTO YOUR-- I WAS GOING TO PUT IT IN THE HOT PLATE BUT I WAS DEMONSTRATING HOW NOT TO. OH. UGH, JUST CUT IN HALF. OH! OH. [jar shatters] SO WHILE YOUR OLD CANDLES ARE MELTING, LET'S WORK ON GETTING OUR WICKS INTO OUR JARS. YOU KNOW, YA-- THIS. PUT YOUR HAND IN THERE. AW. THERE SHE GOES. AND YOU'RE GONNA WANNA PUT IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE. AND THEN, JUST TAKE YOUR-- OH, YOU KNOW. S-JUST LEAVE IT THERE, AND, UH... THERE--THERE IT IS. HA! LOOKS LIKE IT'S READY, SO... AT THIS POINT, YOU REALLY WANNA TAKE YOUR HOT WAX AND POUR IT INTO YOUR JAR AS... HOT. REMEMBER, IT'S HOT. HOT, HOT, HOT. JUST LIKE THAT. OH, OH, YEAH. I THINK I FORGOT TO-- [wound sizzles] [screams] GOD! OH, OH, OH, GOD! I'VE GOT A THIRD-DEGREE BURN! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL! I AM A TRUE BELIEVER THAT THERE ARE NO MISTAKES WHEN IT COMES TO CRAFTING. AS YOU CAN SEE, WE MADE OUR VERY OWN CRAFT-THEMED ZEN MEDITATION CANDLE. THERE'S SOME SCISSORS, A POTHOLDER. LOVE THOSE POTHOLDERS. KIND OF SMELLS LIKE-- LIKE ROSE AND A LITTLE BIT OF BURNT HAIR. AND NEXT WEEK AT D-I-WHY-DONTCHA, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO BEDAZZLE UP YOUR VERY OWN FLESH WOUND. BUT UNTIL THEN, HAVE A VERY CRAFT-WORTHY-- [jar shatters] IT'S GONNA GET STUCK. - [laughter] [musical intro plays] ♪ - ♪ PULL UP - ♪ STANK - ♪ HEAD SHOT - ♪ STANK - ♪ SIT DOWN - ♪ STANK - ♪ STAND UP - ♪ STANK - ♪ PASS OUT - ♪ STANK - ♪ WAKE UP - ♪ STANK - ♪ THIS IS - ♪ STANK - ♪ MY FACE - ♪ STANK - ♪ BEFORE I GREW UP FRESHMAN YEAR ♪ ♪ TRYIN' TO BE COOL IN HIGH SCHOOL ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY DID THEIR THANG, SLANG, BLANG ♪ ♪ TRYIN' TO MAKE THEIR OWN RULES ♪ - ♪ SOME PEOPLE LIKE THE WAY IT FEELS ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE BE REBEL ♪ AND SOME PEOPLE WANNA FIT IN WITH THE POPULAR ♪ ♪ THAT WASN'T OUR PROBLEM ♪ - ♪ WE WAS IN THE CLASSROOM, FULL MOON ♪ ♪ HOPING TO MAKE THOSE GUYS SWOON ♪ ♪ WHISPERS WEIRD LOOKS ♪ ♪ THEY SAY WE ONLY GOT ONE MOOD ♪ - ♪ NOT CARIN' 'BOUT YOUR STARIN' ♪ ♪ AND/OR WHAT YOU SAY TO ME ♪ ♪ WE KNOW SOMETHIN' THAT YOU DON'T ♪ ♪ YOU CAN WATCH US AND YOU'LL SEE ♪ ♪ SIT YOURSELF DOWN ♪ DON'T ATTEMPT, JUST WATCH ♪ ♪ LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN IT UP A NOTCH ♪ ♪ FIRST YOU TAKE THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH ♪ ♪ DOWN LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ ♪ TURN THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ ♪ THEN YOU TAKE YOUR NOSE AND FLARE ♪ ♪ TOP IT ALL UP WITH A STARE ♪ LET'S REVIEW WHAT WE JUST TAUGHT ♪ ♪ YOU TAKE THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ ♪ TAKE THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ - ♪ PULL UP - ♪ STANK - ♪ HEAD SHOT - ♪ STANK - ♪ FLOWERS - ♪ STANK - ♪ COOKIES - ♪ STANK - ♪ EVERYTHING - ♪ STANK - ♪ OUCH - ♪ STANK - ♪ I THINK - ♪ STANK - ♪ IT'S STUCK ♪ - ♪ STANK - ♪ YEARS - ♪ STANK - ♪ GO BY - ♪ STANK - ♪ BIRTHDAYS - ♪ STANK - ♪ COLLEGE - ♪ STANK - ♪ WEDDINGS - ♪ STANK - ♪ INTERVIEW - ♪ STANK - ♪ I NEED - ♪ STANK - ♪ THIS JOB - ♪ STANK - OKAY, IT'S A JOB INTERVIEW, AND YOU'RE STARTING TO SCARE ME. A TIP FROM YOUR BOSS: PLEASE CHANGE YOUR FACE, OR I'LL HAVE YOU REMOVED FROM THE BUILDING. I KNOW YOU'RE NERVOUS RIGHT NOW, BUT THE WAY YOUR FACE LOOKS, I HAVE CUSTOMERS WISHING THAT THEY WERE NOT HERE WATCHING YOU FROWN WHILE THEY MUNCH ON THEIR BIG BEEF PATTIES. - I THINK THAT WE'RE FEELING A VIBE. I SEE NO LOVE IN YOUR EYES. I FEEL THE JUDGMENT. - JUDGMENT WAS FELT IN YOUR EYES AND YOUR MIND WHEN MY MONEY ARRIVES. - WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, MR. KNIGHT, THIS IS A WORD TO THE WISE. - DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. DON'T HATE ME OR LOVE HER. - I MAKE A GOOD BURGER. ACCEPT OUR CONDITION, ALL RIGHT? - [laughter] - AH, OKAY, WHAT THE HEY. - ♪ STEP OUT OF THE KITCHEN, DON'T ASK, JUST LISTEN ♪ ♪ LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN IT UP A NOTCH ♪ ♪ FIRST YOU TAKE THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ ♪ FLIP YOUR BURGER, CHECK YOUR FRY ♪ ♪ WHILE IT'S BROWNIN' ♪ ♪ THEN YOU TAKE YOUR NOSE AND FLARE ♪ ♪ TOP IT ALL OFF WITH A STARE ♪ ♪ LET'S REVIEW WHAT WE JUST TAUGHT ♪ ♪ FIRST YOU TAKE THE CORNERS OF YOUR MOUTH DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE YOU'RE FROWNIN' ♪ ♪ EVERY PERSON ON THE PLANET AND AROUND IT ♪ - ♪ BABIES - ♪ STANK - ♪ POODLES - ♪ STANK - ♪ ADOLESCENTS - ♪ STANK - ♪ BOSSES - ♪ STANK - ♪ GIRL WITH SPATULA - ♪ STANK - ♪ FILM CREW - ♪ STANK - ♪ EVERYONE DO THE STANK - ♪ STANK WHO KEEPS YOU AFTER THE BELL RINGS, WHO CALLS ON YOU BECAUSE SHE KNOWS YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO ANNOY THAT TEACHER BACK? DUH, YOU HAVE. WELL, HERE ARE THE FIVE BEST WAYS TO DO IT. [electronic dance music] NUMBER ONE: HELP THE TEACHER AND YOU HELP YOURSELF. - OH, HEY, MISS STEFFEN. I GOT HERE EXTRA EARLY SO I COULD CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM FOR YOU. - MY LESSON PLAN... IT'S ALL GONE, AND CLASS STARTS IN 15 MINUTES. - I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO WATCH A DVD TODAY INSTEAD, HUH? - NUMBER TWO: REMEMBER THAT EXTRA CREDIT WORK FOR YOU IS ALSO EXTRA GRADING WORK FOR THEM. - SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU BEFORE YOU WENT ON THAT HAWAII VACATION. HERE'S MY BONUS ASSIGNMENT, JUST IN TIME TOO. THINK YOU CAN COUNT THAT AS A LITTLE CARRY ON? - AH... HUH. WELL, AS MUCH AS I'D LOVE TO READ THIS ENCYCLOPEDIA ON THE BEACH, WHY DON'T I JUST GIVE YOU THE POINTS AND WE CALL IT A DAY? OKAY? OKAY. OKAY. BYE. - I'VE BEEN USING THIS STACK OF PRINTER PAPER FOR SIX ESSAYS NOW. - NUMBER THREE: REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HITS THE SNOOZE BUTTON EVERY DAY. - MISS STEFFEN, DID YOU KNOW THAT I CAN USE SCHOOL EXTRA-CURRICULAR TO SERVE DETENTION TIME. - OH, THAT'S NEAT. WHAT'D YOU PICK? - YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE FOUNDER OF THE ASTRONOMY CLUB. THREE WEEKS OF WAKING UP AT 4:00 A.M. TO LOOK AT THE STARS AND SERVE THOSE HOURS. - AH, WELL, GOOD FOR YOU. - OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE CLUB SPONSOR. SEE YOU AT 4:00 A.M., TELESCOPE BUDDY. - 4:00 A.M.? - YEAH. - EVERY DAY. - MM-HM. - YOU KNOW WHAT? DETENTION-SPETENTION. YOUR SLEEP SCHEDULE'S TOO IMPORTANT TO MESS WITH. - I GUESS THAT'S WHY I KEEP FALLING ASLEEP IN YOUR CLASS, TOO. [chuckles] - WELCOME BACK, CLASS. TODAY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A MAGICAL SYMBOL. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? - HOW I BYPASS CUSTOMER SERVICE WITH AIRLINES. - THE LAST BUTTON ON MY HOME PHONE. - A NUMBER SIGN. - TIC-TAC-TOE BOARD. - ENOUGH! SERIOUSLY, NOBODY WAS EVEN CLOSE. THIS IS A HASHTAG. - I ALMOST SAID THAT. - SURE YOU DID. - I STILL DON'T GET IT. - OH, I READ THIS ON THAT TWEETER THING ON THE LINE. - IT'S CALLED TWITTER, AND YES, THE HASHTAG IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF TEEN LANGUAGE. IT CAN BE USED TO EXPLAIN A FEELING, A SITUATION, OR A RELATIONSHIP. LIKE RIGHT NOW, IF I WERE TO TWEET ABOUT TEACHING THIS CLASS, I WOULD SAY, "TEACHING TEXTING TO CLUELESS 'RENTS, #EPICFAIL, #AWKWARD."