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Wendell & Vinnie

Dating Choices

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Wendell & Vinnie

Dating Choices

- OH, I'M BORED! WHATCHA READIN'? - A BOOK. DID YOU TRY CALLING DEKE? - BUSY. - MONGO? - BUSY. - ROGER? - ROGER HATES ME AND HE'S BUSY. THEY'RE ALL BUSY. THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS. THEY GET TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT, GO ON ROAD TRIPS, GO OFF-ROADING. I NEVER GET TO DRIVE OFF THE ROAD. - WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE KERRYS? THEY HAVE KIDS. - I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH MARRIED PEOPLE, MAINLY 'CAUSE I WAKE UP LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERY DAY. I JUST WANT TO DRINK A BEER AND WATCH A MOVIE WITH A BUDDY. - HEY, I'LL WATCH WITH YOU. I'LL BE YOUR BUDDY. JUST NOTHING WITH INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, OR NUDITY. - YOU, SIR, ARE NO BUDDY. - UNCLE VINNIE, YOU NEED A HOBBY. HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT "MAKE YOUR OWN JERKY" THING? - OHH! OH, DEAR. I LEFT A LOT OF BEEF ON THE ROOF. NO WONDER THE PIGEONS ARE SO FAT. - TIME IS A GIFT. IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING WE HAVE, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, IT RUNS OUT AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF IT. EVEN IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BUY AN EXTRA SECOND OF LIFE, SO GRAB THIS MOMENT WITH BOTH HANDS AND LIVE YOUR LIFE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. STILL BORED? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE TO ENCINO? - WHAT'S IN ENCINO? - MY DENTIST. I THOUGHT WE COULD SHARE SOME QUALITY TIME, YOU KNOW, IN THE CARPOOL LANE. - NO, NO, NO, WENDELL IS NOT GONNA BE YOUR RIDE SHARE MONKEY. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOW-UP PASSENGER? - I LEFT HIM OUT IN THE SUN, AND HE SPLIT. - WOW. EVEN YOUR INFLATABLE MEN DO THAT. ANYWAY, WENDELL'S GOT A BIG MEETING TODAY. - YEAH, I'M HEAD OF THE SCHOOL DANCE COMMITTEE. - OH, THAT'S GREAT. - YEAH. I MADE A SOLEMN PROMISE THAT I WOULD ACHIEVE SOMETHING THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL. - A WEDGIE-FREE EVENING. - NO, A MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE WHERE EVERYBODY ACTUALLY DANCES. - AND I'M GONNA CHAPERONE. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING. NO! UH-UH. NO. HEY, WATCH IT, FOOTLOOSE. SHE'S NOT A CARNIVAL RIDE. - HEY. - OH, I WANT TO CHAPERONE, TOO. I WANT TO GO TO YOUR FIRST DANCE. - OH, FIRST DANCE. I LOVED MY SCHOOL DANCES. - OF COURSE YOU DID. LET ME GUESS. YOU WENT TO THREE PROMS. - THREE PROMS SOPHOMORE YEAR, SEVEN TOTAL, HOMECOMING QUEEN TWICE, ONCE AT A SCHOOL I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO, BUT WHO REMEMBERS? - I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING ABOUT WHEN YOU PEAKED AS A PERSON. - [scoffs] THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF I USED TO HEAR FROM GIRLS WHO NEVER GOT ASKED TO-- HEY, HOW LONG HAS THAT SPACESHIP BEEN THERE? - YOU LIKE SPACESHIPS? I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK WITHOUT A SPACESHIP, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NOT REALLY. I'D NEED A SPACESHIP. THE POINT IS, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO REPOPULATE THE EARTH WHEN WE GET BACK, SO... - UNCLE VINNIE, WE GOT TO GO. - HANG ON, I'M NOT DONE CHARMING HER. ALL RIGHT, I'M DONE. - DUDE, IT IS SIMPLE. B, B, X, RIGHT BUMPER, RIGHT TRIGGER. - B, X... - NOT B, X! NOT B, X! AND THEY'RE GONE! YOU LAUNCHED ALL OF THE ROCKETS. THEY'RE ALL GONE NOW. ALL OF THE ROCKETS ARE GONE. - SORRY. - NO, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, IT TOOK ME TWO MONTHS OF TIRELESS EFFORT TO AMASS ALL OF THOSE ROCKETS, AND NOW YOU'VE MADE THAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. - I DON'T WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME SHOOTING ANYTHING. NO MORE VIDEO GAMES! THIS IS THE FIRST WEEKEND YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH TIME FOR ME IN MONTHS. - OH, COME ON. I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT BUSY. - REALLY? FIRST YOU WERE DATING DUMB BRITTANY, THEN DUMB JENNY, THEN DUMB JENNY R., AND THEN BACK TO BRITTANY, WHO BY THEN SEEMED SO MUCH SMARTER. - I DON'T THINK THEY WERE THAT DUMB. - JENNY R., THE GIRL WHO GOT LOCKED IN OUR KITCHEN FOR TWO HOURS?