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Wendell & Vinnie

Take Your Nephew to Work Day

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Wendell & Vinnie

Take Your Nephew to Work Day

- OH, I'M BORED! WHATCHA READIN'? - A BOOK. DID YOU TRY CALLING DEKE? - BUSY. - MONGO? - BUSY. - ROGER? - ROGER HATES ME AND HE'S BUSY. THEY'RE ALL BUSY. THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS. THEY GET TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT, GO ON ROAD TRIPS, GO OFF-ROADING. I NEVER GET TO DRIVE OFF THE ROAD. - WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE KERRYS? THEY HAVE KIDS. - I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH MARRIED PEOPLE, MAINLY 'CAUSE I WAKE UP LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERY DAY. I JUST WANT TO DRINK A BEER AND WATCH A MOVIE WITH A BUDDY. - HEY, I'LL WATCH WITH YOU. I'LL BE YOUR BUDDY. JUST NOTHING WITH INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, VIOLENCE, OR NUDITY. - YOU, SIR, ARE NO BUDDY. - UNCLE VINNIE, YOU NEED A HOBBY. HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT "MAKE YOUR OWN JERKY" THING? - OHH! OH, DEAR. I LEFT A LOT OF BEEF ON THE ROOF. NO WONDER THE PIGEONS ARE SO FAT. - TIME IS A GIFT. IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING WE HAVE, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, IT RUNS OUT AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF IT. EVEN IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE, YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BUY AN EXTRA SECOND OF LIFE, SO GRAB THIS MOMENT WITH BOTH HANDS AND LIVE YOUR LIFE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. STILL BORED? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE TO ENCINO? - WHAT'S IN ENCINO? - MY DENTIST. I THOUGHT WE COULD SHARE SOME QUALITY TIME, YOU KNOW, IN THE CARPOOL LANE. - NO, NO, NO, WENDELL IS NOT GONNA BE YOUR RIDE SHARE MONKEY. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BLOW-UP PASSENGER? - I LEFT HIM OUT IN THE SUN, AND HE SPLIT. - WOW. EVEN YOUR INFLATABLE MEN DO THAT. ANYWAY, WENDELL'S GOT A BIG MEETING TODAY. - YEAH, I'M HEAD OF THE SCHOOL DANCE COMMITTEE. - OH, THAT'S GREAT. - YEAH. I MADE A SOLEMN PROMISE THAT I WOULD ACHIEVE SOMETHING THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL. - A WEDGIE-FREE EVENING. - NO, A MIDDLE SCHOOL DANCE WHERE EVERYBODY ACTUALLY DANCES. - AND I'M GONNA CHAPERONE. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING. NO! UH-UH. NO. HEY, WATCH IT, FOOTLOOSE. SHE'S NOT A CARNIVAL RIDE. - HEY. - OH, I WANT TO CHAPERONE, TOO. I WANT TO GO TO YOUR FIRST DANCE. - OH, FIRST DANCE. I LOVED MY SCHOOL DANCES. - OF COURSE YOU DID. LET ME GUESS. YOU WENT TO THREE PROMS. - THREE PROMS SOPHOMORE YEAR, SEVEN TOTAL, HOMECOMING QUEEN TWICE, ONCE AT A SCHOOL I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO, BUT WHO REMEMBERS? - I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING ABOUT WHEN YOU PEAKED AS A PERSON. - [scoffs] THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF I USED TO HEAR FROM GIRLS WHO NEVER GOT ASKED TO-- HEY, HOW LONG HAS THAT SPACESHIP BEEN THERE? - YOU LIKE SPACESHIPS? I CAN TAKE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK WITHOUT A SPACESHIP, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. NOT REALLY. I'D NEED A SPACESHIP. THE POINT IS, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO REPOPULATE THE EARTH WHEN WE GET BACK, SO... - UNCLE VINNIE, WE GOT TO GO. - HANG ON, I'M NOT DONE CHARMING HER. ALL RIGHT, I'M DONE. - DUDE, IT IS SIMPLE. B, B, X, RIGHT BUMPER, RIGHT TRIGGER. - B, X... - NOT B, X! NOT B, X! AND THEY'RE GONE! YOU LAUNCHED ALL OF THE ROCKETS. THEY'RE ALL GONE NOW. ALL OF THE ROCKETS ARE GONE. - SORRY. - NO, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, IT TOOK ME TWO MONTHS OF TIRELESS EFFORT TO AMASS ALL OF THOSE ROCKETS, AND NOW YOU'VE MADE THAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. - I DON'T WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME SHOOTING ANYTHING. NO MORE VIDEO GAMES! THIS IS THE FIRST WEEKEND YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH TIME FOR ME IN MONTHS. - OH, COME ON. I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT BUSY. - REALLY? FIRST YOU WERE DATING DUMB BRITTANY, THEN DUMB JENNY, THEN DUMB JENNY R., AND THEN BACK TO BRITTANY, WHO BY THEN SEEMED SO MUCH SMARTER. - I DON'T THINK THEY WERE THAT DUMB. - JENNY R., THE GIRL WHO GOT LOCKED IN OUR KITCHEN FOR TWO HOURS? - I'M HOME. UNCLE VINNIE, WAKE UP. COME ON. IT'S 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON. - [screams] [yelling] [babbles] [sighs] ALL RIGHT. THAT IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO WAKE UP. I APOLOGIZE. - I HAVE ORCHESTRA DRESS REHEARSAL IN 40 MINUTES. DID YOU DO ANY OF THE THINGS I ASKED YOU TO DO TODAY? - AHA! I DID ALL OF THE THINGS YOU ASKED ME TO DO. I EVEN WROTE IT DOWN. ONE: BUY WENDELL NEW CYMBAL MALLET. BOOM. TWO: PICK UP YOUR UNIFORM. BOOM. - OKAY. WELL, DID YOU REMEMBER TO BUY SNACKS FOR ALL THE OTHER BAND KIDS? - REMEMBER? SURE HOW-DOODY. - NOW I KNOW YOU DIDN'T. YOU GET AWFULLY FOLKSY WHEN YOU'RE LYING. THE ORCHESTRA WAS EXPECTING SNACKS. - IT'S NO BIG DEAL. WE'LL JUST IMPROVISE. ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT IN THE FRIDGE. OH, HEY. DO KIDS LIKE THAI FOOD? [quirky brass music] - ATTACK ME. - HASN'T LIFE ATTACKED YOU ENOUGH? - I JUST STARTED MY KRAV MAGA DEFENSE CLASS. ATTACK ME! OW! NOT LIKE THAT. - IF YOU CAN'T DEFEND YOURSELF FROM A BANANA, THEN YOU BETTER STAY OUT OF CHIMP TOWN. - ALL RIGHT, COME HERE. GRAB MY ARM. NO, NO, WRAP IT-- WRAP IT THAT-- WRAP IT AROUND, AND THEN GRAB THIS ONE. NO, WRAP THIS-- - YOU'RE TAKING A LOT OF THE SPONTANEITY OUT OF STREET FIGHTING! - HEY, VINNIE, LOOK WHAT JUST SPROUTED IN MY HERB GARDEN. - I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT GOT IN THERE. - IT'S OREGANO. I PLANTED IT. SEE, I HAD THIS GREAT IDEA. I WANT TO PUT IN A GARDEN IN THE SCHOOL'S OLD TETHERBALL COURT, BUT I NEED AN ADULT TO PROPOSE MY IDEA TO THE PTA TONIGHT. - BUMMER. - NO, I MEAN YOU CAN DO IT. - UGH! PTA. I DON'T KNOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING - UNCLE VINNIE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO TO YOUR SHOP. IT'S SO BORING. - NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU ARE COMING TO THE SHOP WITH ME. YOU PROMISED ME A MONTH AGO. - HOW IS IT YOU REMEMBER THAT, AND YOU'VE LEFT ME AT FOUR DIFFERENT GAS STATIONS? - CLASSIC ME. LOOK, IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THAT YOU TAKE AN INTEREST IN MY WORK. BESIDES, I CAN'T LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A GAS STATION. - I'LL BE FINE. THIS IS AMERICA. WE HAVE A 60-INCH BABYSITTER RIGHT HERE. I CAN JUST DO MY HOMEWORK AND WATCH TV. - DON'T LIE TO ME. YOU'RE NOT GONNA WATCH TV. - UGH. - WILMA'S HERE. SHE CAN WATCH ME. YES! - NO, NO, NO. LOOK, I--I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN FOUR DAYS. YOU DO NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME. I CAME TO BORROW YOUR WHITE NOISE MACHINE. - OH, IT'S GOT MORE THAN WHITE NOISE. IT'S GOT WAVES, RAIN... - MORGAN FREEMAN AGREEING WITH SOMEBODY. MM-HMM. UH-HUH. MM-HMM. IT'LL KNOCK YOU RIGHT OUT. - WOW, ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE IT. - UH, I THOUGHT YOU TOOK SLEEPING PILLS? - YEAH, MY DOCTOR USED TO PRESCRIBE THEM TO ME UNTIL HE WENT TO JAIL FOR--