All About Carlos
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Star Chat: Carlos Pena

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All About Carlos

Star Chat: Carlos Pena

- UH-OH. IT'S THAT CRANKY DELIVERY GUY. YOU WANT ME TO HAUNT HIM OUT OF HERE? - NO! HE'S DROPPING OFF MY EXPLODING HEAD MAGIC TRICK. - DON'T LITTLE GIRLS PLAY WITH STICKERS ANYMORE? - SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR FRANCESCA HATHAWAY. A MINT? THAT'S YOUR TIP? - CONSIDER IT MORE OF A RECOMMENDATION. - RECOMMEND THIS. [whimpers] - ALL RIGHT, RAY. HE'S ALL YOURS. - EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE! [screams] - HUGE NEWS, Y'ALL. GUESS WHICH TALENTED GHOST MIGHT BECOME THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE MOST EXCLUSIVE SCARE CLUB IN GHOST WORLD. ME! I'M BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE BOO CREW. - WHAT'S THE BOO CREW? - IT'S A CLUB FOR GHOST BOYS. IT'S A BIG HONOR TO BE ASKED TO JOIN. - YES, FATHER. THAT IT IS. AND THE GUYS ARE COMING OVER THIS AFTERNOON TO SEE IF I'M BOO CREW MATERIAL. THEY ONLY ACCEPT THE BEST OF THE BEST. - SO WHY ARE THEY CONSIDERING YOU? - I DID NOT JUST HEAR THAT. - I SAID, "SO WHY ARE THEY--" - ANYWAY, THIS MEETING'S IMPORTANT. THAT MEANS NO HATHAWAYS IN THE ATTIC. IF THE BOYS KNEW I LIVE WITH YOU PEOPLE, I'D NEVER MAKE BOO CREW. - DON'T WORRY, LOUIE. WE WON'T INTERRUPT YOUR LITTLE MEETING. - GOOD. 'CAUSE ONCE THE L-TRAIN JOINS THE CLUB, WE'LL BE THE BADDEST, SCARIEST HAUNTING CREW AROUND. MM. JUST WANTED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM BEFORE THE BIG MEETING. GOOD TO GO NOW. [spooky rock music] - ♪ DON'T KNOW HOW WE ENDED UP THIS WAY ♪ - ♪ BUT I GUESS YOU COULD CALL US ♪ - ♪ THE HAUNTED HATHAWAYS - ARE YOU READING THIS? DEANA IS THINKING ABOUT BREAKING UP WITH ZACK, BUT SHE HASN'T TOLD HIM YET. - WHAT? DEANA CAN'T DO THAT! ZACK'S ALREADY RENTED HIS TUX FOR THE BIG DANCE. - NOT NOW. SHOO! SHOO! OH, SORRY, IT'S THIS PESKY FLY. HE WON'T MIND HIS OWN BUSINESS. SHOO! - "PESKY FLY?" I'LL SHOW YOU A PESKY FLY. [buzzes] HEY, TAY, WHAT'S THE BUZZ? IS THIS DIZZTRACTING? - STOP IT! STOP IT! UH... [chuckles] THIS FLY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. LET'S GO SOMEWHERE ELZZZ. ELSE. - HMM. THAT'S STRANGE. - OW! WHIPLASH! CONCUSSION! EMOTIONAL DISTRESS! - OH, MY GOSH! SIR, ARE YOU OKAY? - DID YOU NOT HEAR THE WORDS "WHIPLASH, CONCUSSION, AND EMOTIONAL DISTRESS"? I SLIPPED ON THIS SPILLED LEMONADE. - JUST STAY STILL. I WILL CALL FOR HELP. HELP! - YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GONNA NEED HELP WHEN I SUE YOU. I'LL OWN THIS ENTIRE BUILDING BY THE TIME I'M DONE. I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT. OH. OW! - OH, THIS IS BAD. THIS IS REALLY BAD. - MICHELLE, DON'T WORRY. HE FAKED IT. THAT GUY'S A TOTAL SCAM ARTIST. - A SCAM ARTIST? ARE YOU SURE? HE WAS WEARING A SUIT. - I SAW THE WHOLE THING. - THEN THAT'S GREAT. WHEN HE TAKES ME TO COURT, YOU CAN TELL THE JUDGE THAT-- OH, WAIT, YOU'RE A GHOST. - I'M A GHOST. - WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I CAN'T LOSE THE BAKERY. I'VE WORKED SO HARD TO MAKE THIS A WELCOMING FAMILY BUSINESS. - EXCUSE ME-- - NOT NOW! I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS. [baby cries] I CANNOT HEAR MYSELF THINK! - SO ME AND THE BOYS, WE WERE AT THE PARK, AND REGGIE HERE CREATES A BIGFOOT ILLUSION. PEOPLE FREAKED. REGGIE, SHOW HIM. - [screams] IS WHAT THOSE SILLY PEOPLE PROBABLY SAID, RIGHT? - I BEEN WORKING ON A LITTLE SOMETHING OF MY OWN. CHECK THIS OUT. [roars] - THAT, TOO, WAS IMPRESSIVE. - SO, PRESTON, YOU'RE UP. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT. - SURE. LET'S SEE. - JUST DO SOMETHING COOL. - OKAY, WELL, THAT NARROWS IT DOWN. - AWESOME! YOU SHOULD PUNT IT. all: PUNT IT! PUNT IT! PUNT IT! PUNT IT! PUNT IT! - OKAY. HEADS UP. WOO-HOO! YES! SHOULD HAVE WORN A HELMET. [roaring in distance] - [sighs] YES, BIG GERT. I CAN HEAR THE FUN. - OH, MAN. WE ARE LAUGHING OUR HEADS OFF. [chuckles] GET IT? - GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE. - WELL, I'M NOT TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW. SO IF YOU'RE INVITING ME TO COME JOIN-- - NO WAY. "A," YOU'RE NOT A GHOST. "B," YOU'RE NOT A BOY. AND "C," REFER TO "A" AND "B"! - MAN, I WISH I COULD SEE WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE, BUT WE PROMISED NOT TOO. WHAT'S THAT? [as Gert] WE NEVER PROMISED NOT TO GO UP THERE, FRANKIE. MOTHER DID, NOT US. WHY SHOULD MOTHER ALWAYS GET HER WAY? [normal voice] OKAY, THIS IS GETTING CREEPY. - YOU KNOW, I WAS WORRIED ABOUT TESTIFYING IN COURT, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED, I'M A NATURAL PERFORMER. - YOU'VE NEVER PERFORMED IN ANYTHING. - MM, SOMEONE'S FORGETTING MY STINT AS "WOMAN NUMBER THREE" IN THAT CANADIAN SKIN RASH INFOMERCIAL. USE ONLY AS DIRECTED. - THAT WAS-- YEAH, YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T WE DO A LITTLE MOCK TRIAL JUST TO BE SAFE? - OKAY, APPARENTLY I'M THE JUDGE. - [chuckles] THIS IS SO CUTE. - SILENCE! [gavel bangs] ORDER IN THE COURT! [crunch] UH, SOMEBODY BROKE YOUR WATCH. BRING IN THE JURY. - WELL, THIS IS DEFINITELY A JURY OF MY GOOD-LOOKING PEERS. HOW YOU DOING, HANDSOME? [gavel bangs] - AND WHO'S QUESTIONING THE WITNESS? - THAT'D BE ME, YOUR HONOR. MILES PRESTON, ESQUIRE, AT YOUR SERVICE. - WILL THE WITNESS PLEASE STATE HER NAME FOR THE RECORD? - MICHELLE BARBARELLA HATHAWAY. - BARBARELLA? [laughter] - OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR! - I'LL ALLOW IT. IT'S HILARIOUS. - MY, MY. SURE IS A HOT ONE IN N'AWLINS. AIR'S AS THICK AS THE SWEET SCENT OF HONEYSUCKLE ON A VINE. REMINDS ME OF A CERTAIN TIME OF EVENING IN '09 WHEN THE FIREFLIES LIT THE SKY LIKE THE FOURTH OF JULY. - OBJECTION. I'M CONFUSED. - YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS CONFUSING? YOUR STORY. - MY STORY? BUT I HAVEN'T TOLD MY STORY. - WHY? 'CAUSE YOU HADN'T HAD TIME TO MAKE IT UP? [all gasp] - WHAT? N-NO! NO, NO, NO. I HAVEN'T MADE ANYTHING UP YET. I MEAN--NO, NO, NO. NO, NO. NOT--NOT "NOT YET." I MEAN, WH--I MEAN--FINE! I DID IT! TAKE EVERYTHING! BARBARELLA'S GOING TO THE BIG HOUSE! - LOOK, LOUIE'S NOT ONLY A GREAT GHOST, HE'S HILARIOUS TOO. - WHAT? OH. YUP. THAT'S ME. TOTAL CRACK UP. [laughs] SO AM I IN? - WE NEED TO HUDDLE. - WHAT'S UP, FELLAS? ROOM FOR ONE MORE GHOST BOY? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? BURPS? BOOGERS? BECAUSE I GOT BOTH. - [chuckles] WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - THE NAME'S FRANK. I'M A FRIEND OF LOUIE'S. I JUST SNAPPED IN FROM NEW YORK, AND BOY ARE MY FINGERS TIRED. TOUGH CROWD. - NO ONE CRASHES A BOO CREW MEETING, FRANK. - UH, PLEASE EXCUSE MY BUDDY HERE. HE'S A VERY CONFUSED LITTLE... BOY? - WELL, IF HE WANTS TO STAY, HE HAS TO PROVE HE'S A WORTHY GHOST. - YOU WANNA SEE WORTHY? WATCH THIS. [fireworks pop] I CALL IT MY EXPLODING HEAD TRICK. - WE NEED TO HUDDLE. - WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THIS FOR ME. - RELAX. THEY SUSPECT NOTHING. - PRESTON, GET OVER HERE. WELCOME TO BOO CREW! - I'M IN? YES! GREATEST DAY EVER! - OH, AND ONE OTHER THING. FRANK, YOU'RE IN TOO. - YES! - NO! ...BODY COULD BE HAPPIER THAN ME RIGHT NOW. - LATER, BILLY, REGGIE, STINKY PETE. I'D COME WITH YOU, BUT I NOTICED A LITTLE STUBBLE. I'M GONNA HANG BACK AND SHAVE THE OLD 'STACHE. - BYE, GUYS. THANKS AGAIN. TAKE CARE NOW. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? - YOU GUYS WERE PUNTING A GHOST HEAD. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? NOT DRESS UP LIKE A BOY AND COME UP HERE? - WAS THAT A REAL QUESTION? - LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE NEEDS TO SING THE BOO CREW ANTHEM. ♪ WE'RE A MERRY BAND OF SCARY-- ♪ - ENOUGH! LOOK, IF YOU STICK AROUND, THEY'LL EVENTUALLY REALIZE YOU'RE NOT A GHOST AND I'LL BE KICKED OUT. - EASY, LOUIE. DON'T GET ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE. - I CAN'T HELP IT. I REALLY WANT THIS. - FINE. I'LL DROP OUT. - THANK YOU. - YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET YOURSELF BACK TO NORMAL, DO YOU? - NOT A CLUE. - IS THE BIG FAKER HERE YET? - JUST WALKED IN. - MOM IS GONNA BE A DISASTER ON THE WITNESS STAND SO OUR ONLY SHOT AT WINNING IS PROVING THIS GUY IS NOT REALLY INJURED. - HMM, WHAT'S IN THE BAG? - I WENT DOWNTOWN AND GOT THIS HIGH-TECH HIDDEN CAMERA TO CATCH HIM IN THE ACT. - OH. [chuckles] EH...THAT'S YOUR HIGH-TECH HIDDEN CAMERA? - YES, THAT'S MY HIGH-TECH HIDDEN CAMERA. JUST NEED A PLACE TO PLUG IT IN. - MM. - MR. CONRAD. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. I'M SURE-- - ZIP IT! THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONNA SAVE YOUR BAKERY IS CASH. OR FANCY TEACUPS. I'M A COLLECTOR. JUST FORGET IT. I WANT CASH. - BEFORE WE TALK NUMBERS... OR TEACUPS, HOW ABOUT SOME OVEN-FRESH COOKIES AND A GLASS OF FROSTY, COLD MILK? - I CAN'T POSSIBLY REACH FOR THE COOKIES. BROKEN ARMS, REMEMBER? - OF COURSE. JUST ONE THING THOUGH. IF YOU HAVE BROKEN ARMS, EXPLAIN THIS! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CATCH THAT. - I'LL ADD "ATTACKED BY FRUIT" TO MY CLAIM. - SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO--THINK FAST! - I'M ON TO YOUR LITTLE GAME, MISSY. OOPS. YOUR SPY CAMERA. TOO BAD YOU WON'T BE GETTING THIS ON TAPE. MMM. MM-HMM. OH, I'LL TAKE SOME. SEE YA IN COURT. [giggles] - I HATE THAT GUY. NOW IT'S JUST OUR WORD AGAINST HIS. - YEAH, WORDS AREN'T ALWAYS CONVINCING. BUT VIDEO IS. BOOM! [chuckles] I GOT THE WHOLE THING ON MICHELLE'S PHONE. - YES! TOLD YOU MY PLAN WOULD WORK. - HEY, LOUIE. - GO AWAY. THE BOO CREW WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE. THEY'RE PRESENTING ME WITH MY CLUB JACKET. - COOL. I THOUGHT I COULD SHOW YOU HOW TO DO MY EXPLODING HEAD TRICK. - I DON'T NEED SOME MAIL-ORDER MAGIC TRICK TO BLOW FIREWORKS OUT OF MY NECK. OBSERVE. [flatulence] PLEASE GO. GUYS! WHAT'S UP? WHEW, THAT IS THE LAST TIME I EAT EL GHOSTO LOCO. - CHECK IT OUT. PRETTY SWEET, HUH? - [gasps] IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER--WHAT'S THAT? - OH, WE BROUGHT FRANK'S TOO. WHERE IS HE? - I SENT HIM AWAY. - WHAT? YOU CAN'T DECIDE WHO'S IN THE CLUB. BESIDES, FRANK IS AWESOME. LET'S GO FIND HIM. - NO! I'LL GET HIM. YOU WAIT HERE. I'LL TAKE THAT. - UH-UH. NOT UNTIL YOU GET FRANK. - BE RIGHT BACK. [flatulence] THAT WASN'T ME. - LOOK AT HIM. ALL SMUG WITH HIS STUPID, FAKE BROKEN ARMS. THINKS HE'S GONNA INTIMIDATE ME IN COURT. - YOU DO REALIZE I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING. - NO, I DID NOT REALIZE THAT. - MOM, JUST RELAX, TELL THE TRUTH, AND PRESENT YOUR EVIDENCE. - DON'T WORRY. I GOT THIS. PRESSURE IS MY MIDDLE NAME. - WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN BARBARELLA. - ALL RISE. THE HONORABLE SUSAN SMILEY PRESIDING. - [sighs] CONRAD VERSUS PIE SQUARED BAKERY? - HI-SIES. PIES ARE ALL SQUARED. BUT IT--BUT IT'S ALSO A MATH TERM, SO... [stammers] I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I CONFESS! AND WHEN I WAS EIGHT I STOLE A DOLLAR FROM MY NONNIE'S HANDBAG! I'M A MONSTER! - SHE ACTUALLY HELD IT TOGETHER LONGER THAN I THOUGHT SHE WOULD. - COME ON, BIG GERT, IT'S BEEN TEN MINUTES SINCE MY MOVE. ALWAYS WITH THE HEAD GAMES. - CHANGE OF PLANS. I NEED YOU BACK UPSTAIRS. THEY WON'T GIVE ME MY BOO CREW JACKET UNTIL I GET FRANK BACK. - OH, SO NOW YOU NEED ME IN YOUR CLUB? I DON'T KNOW, I'M PRETTY BUSY. [yawns] - CAN WE SKIP THE PART WHERE YOU GIVE ME A HARD TIME AND JUMP TO WHERE YOU MAKE ME DO SOMETHING STUPID SO YOU'LL HELP? - LOUIE, I WOULD NEVER BE SO PETTY THAT I'D USE THIS MOMENT TO HUMILIATE YOU. - REALLY? THANKS. - BIG GERT, HOWEVER... IS NOT AS NICE. [as Gert] YOU WANNA BORROW MY BOY WIG? I'M GONNA NEED A LITTLE SUGAR. - TWISTED LITTLE GIRL. - AND I HAVE LIVED EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE ASHAMED OF WHAT I DID THAT NIGHT. - MISS HATHAWAY, I'M NOT INTERESTED THAT IN FIFTH GRADE YOU PEEKED AT YOUR PRESENTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE. - PERMISSION TO APPROACH MY MOM? - IF IT'LL GET HER TO SHUT UP. - MOM, JUST PULL IT TOGETHER AND SHOW THE JUDGE THE VIDEO ON YOUR PHONE. - OH, RIGHT. YOUR HONOR, I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT PROVES THIS MAN IS A FAKER. YOU'RE GOING DOWN, SUCKER. USE ONLY AS DIRECTED, EH? - THIS IS YOU TALKING ABOUT A SKIN RASH. - AH, MY CANADIAN INFOMERCIAL. ONE TAKE. OH, UH, OKAY. WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE--OH, HERE WE GO. AND-- - ALL VIDEOS DELETED. - DELETED? I DID NOT JUST DO THAT. - OKAY, WE'RE DONE. UNLESS YOU CAN PROVIDE ANY CREDIBLE EVIDENCE, I'M READY TO RULE IN FAVOR OF MR. CONRAD. - WE CAN'T LET THIS PESKY JERK TAKE THE BAKERY. - PESKY. THAT'S IT! DAD, FLY WITH ME. [buzzes] HI, CONRAD. NOBODY LIKES LIARZZZ. - WHO SAID THAT? - THE FLY THAT'S GONNA LAY EGGS IN YOUR EARS. - MR. CONRAD, IS THERE A PROBLEM? - MM-MM. MM-MM. - TELL HER, CONRAD. TELL HER THE TRUTH. OR FACE THE MUSIC. - [screams] GET AWAY! STOP IT! [screams] LOOK AT THAT! IT'S A MIRACLE! I'M HEALED! [screams] OKAY, NOW I'M REALLY HURT. I'M SUING THIS COURT. - GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. CASE DISMISSED. - OH, YES. - BLESS YOU, LADY JUSTICE. YOU MAY BE BLIND, BUT YOU SEE TRUTH. TO QUOTE MY WORLD-FAMOUS DANDRUFF COMMERCIAL, "FREEDOM IS JUST A-- " - GET HER OUT OF HERE! - ON IT. - LOOK WHO I FOUND. OKAY, JACKET ME. - FRANK, GLAD YOU'RE BACK. LET'S BEGIN. INITIATION INTO OUR RANKS IS A SOLEMN AFFAIR. LOUIE PRESTON, STEP FORWARD. [gibberish] all: BOO CREW RULES! - HERE'S YOUR JACKET. - MY NAME IS ON THE BOO CREW JACKET. KEEP IT TOGETHER, MAN. - FRANK, STEP FORWARD. - LISTEN, GUYS, BEFORE YOU BEGIN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL-- - [gibberish] all: BOO CREW RULES! [all gasp] - UH-OH. - THAT GHOST JACKET WENT RIGHT THROUGH YOU. YOU'RE A...NOT GHOST! - YEAH. IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT THAT IN THE BYLAWS? 'CAUSE-- [all hiss] - LOUIE! YOU BROUGHT A HUMAN INTO THIS CLUB? - I, UH--THE THING IS-- - WE'RE GONNA NEED YOUR JACKET BACK. - WAIT. LOUIE DIDN'T KNOW. I TRICKED HIM INTO THINKING I WAS A GHOST JUST LIKE I TRICKED YOU GUYS. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, NOT HIS. - IT'S TRUE. I TRUST TOO MUCH. - OKAY. LOUIE STAYS. BUT, FRANK, YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON! GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE NOT WORTHY! - HEY! EASY, BILLY. A MINUTE AGO, YOU THOUGHT FRANK WAS AWESOME. JUST BECAUSE HE'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT-- - A LITTLE? HE'S HUMAN. - SO HE'S NOT PERFECT. WHO HERE IS? REGGIE, YOU'RE AFRAID OF THE DARK. AND STINKY PETE, YOU SMELL... REALLY, REALLY BAD. [overlapping agreement] AND BILLY... - WHAT? - UH, YOU'RE ALL GOOD. - PRESTON, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART ABOUT BEING IN BOO CREW IS STANDING BY YOUR FRIENDS. - THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. FRANK'S MY BUD. - A HUMAN BOY...IN BOO CREW? WELL, I GUESS THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. FRANK, YOU'RE BACK IN. - ARE YOU SERIOUS? YES! THIS IS SO AWESOME! [all gasp] - HE'S A GIRL! all: EWW! - UM, LET'S NOT FORGET LOUIE'S WISE WORDS ABOUT ACCEPTANCE. - UH, MMM, I AM DUMBFOUNDED AND HORRIFIED BY THIS SHOCKING REVELATION. AS TO YOU, MADAME, I SAY GOOD DAY. - LOUIE-- - I SAY GOOD DAY! - FINE. I'LL GO. BOO! [all scream] PSSH! TOO EASY. [laughter] - SHE SCARED ME. "I PRETENDED TO EAT MY BROCCOLI, BUT FED IT TO THE DOGS!" [fake sobs] - "ONCE, I FOUND A QUARTER ON THE GROUND "AND I DIDN'T LOOK FOR THE OWNER. I'M A MONSTER!" - [laughs] BARBARELLA. [laughter] - KEEP IT UP, GUYS. I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU STAND UP TO THAT HORRIBLE JUDGE SMILEY. UGH! THAT WOMAN WAS AN OGRE. - HELLO. - OH! AH! - I HAVE A COUPON FOR A FREE MUFFIN. [ MUSIC ] >> SAM, COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND IN THE KITCHEN, PLEASE? >> I COULD. >> YAY. >> BUT I WON'T. >> POOP. >> CAN WE NOT WATCH THIS? >> PLEASE? >> WHY? YOU GUYS SAID YOU LOVE THIS MOVIE. >> WE DO... ON A BIG SCREEN. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THAT'S A 50-INCH TV. >> WE KNOW. WE'VE SEEN ONE THAT SMALL BEFORE. >> AT OUR MAID'S HOUSE. >> OW! >> OW! >> SAM. [ BEEP ] >> WHAT WAS THAT? >> OUR TIMERS. >> WHY DO YOU HAVE TIMERS? >> OH YEAH, OH YEAH. LET'S SEE. "7:30, BOTH PHILLIP AND KELLY MUST TAKE THEIR PROTEIN PILLS, THEN EAT THEIR NUTRITIONAL YEAST." COME ON, KIDS. COME GET YOUR YEAST. [ BEEPING ] >> UGH, YOUR PARENTS SERIOUSLY MAKE YOU GUYS WEAR TIMERS? >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> WE HAVE A LOT OF STUFF ON OUR SCHEDULE. >> OH, YOUR SCHEDULE. >> LIKE, IF YOU HAD A TIMER, IT MIGHT HELP YOU REMEMBER WHEN TO WASH. >> THAT'S IT. ONE MORE RUDE COMMENT FROM YOU AND YOU'RE LOSING A BIG TOE. >> WHAT? >> OR WORSE. >> SAM. >> WHAT? >> BABYSITTING RULES CLEARLY STATE, "EACH CHILD MUST LEAVE WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF BODY PARTS THEY SHOWED UP WITH." >> THERE'S NO RULE THAT SAYS "EACH CHILD MUST LEAVE WITH THE SAME--" OH, LOOK, IT'S NUMBER FOUR. >> ALL RIGHT, KIDS, TAKE YOUR PROTEIN PILLS AND YOUR NUTRITIONAL YEAST. >> WHERE DID THIS WATER COME FROM? >> THE SINK. >> EW. >> EW. >> WHAT'S WRONG NOW? >> WE DON'T DRINK SINK WATER. >> GET US SOME BOTTLED WATER. >> BUT WE DON'T HAVE BOTTLED WATER. >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, CAT. THESE ARE SPECIAL KIDS AND THEY DESERVE SPECIAL WATER. WHICH I'LL GO GET. WE KEEP IT IN THE BATHROOM. >> WELL, ALL RIGHT, DINNER'S ALMOST DONE, YOU GUYS. [ DOORBELL ] DING DONG. >> WE CARRY BAGS. >> FROM THE SUPERMARKET. >> WHY'D YOU GUYS COME FROM THE SUPERMARKET? >> THE LITTLE KIDS GAVE US 20 BUCKS. >> EACH. >> TO GET US DINNER. >> BUT I'VE BEEN MAKING YOU DINNER FOR THE PAST HOUR. SEE? CHICKEN TOTS AND TATER BALLS. >> WE DON'T EAT CHICKEN TOTS. >> OR TATER BALLS. >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, HERE ARE YOUR STEAKS. >> AND YOUR LOBSTERS. >> YEAH. NICE LOB. >> OOH, AND I GOT YOU THIS NEW BUTTER SPRAY. YOU JUST SPRAY IT RIGHT ON THE LOBSTER BEFORE YOU EAT IT. >> LOVE THAT. >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT. YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY GOING TO EAT THE LOBSTERS? >> OF COURSE WE'RE GOING TO EAT THEM. >> THAT'S WHAT LOBSTERS ARE FOR. >> BUT I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THEM AS PETS. >> DUDE, THEY PAID FOR THE LOBSTERS. IF THEY WANT TO EAT THEM, THEY CAN EAT THEM. >> YEAH. YEAH, RIGHT. COME ON, BUDDY. I'LL SAVE YOU. >> THAT MORON BUTTERED OUR FACES. >> I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET DAIRY IN MY EYES. >> DICE, GO GET GOOMER AND MAKE HIM APOLOGIZE. >> WHATEVER. GOOMER. >> OKAY, HERE WE GO. SPECIAL WATER FOR PHILLIP AND KELLY. >> WHAT BRAND OF WATER IS THIS? >> OH, IT'S FROM FRANCE. IT'S CALLED "AQUA TOILETTE." >> OOH, FRANCE. >> MERCI. >> "TOILETTE," THAT KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE "TOILET." OH, GOD. ♪ I'M NEVER THAT FAR ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE ♪ BELIEVE IT ♪ WE CAN MAKE IT COME TRUE ♪ WE'LL DO IT OUR WAY ♪ NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY ♪ 'CAUSE NO ONE'S ♪ GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU ♪ YEAH ♪ BUT I-I-I-I-I ♪ I'LL NEVER SAY NEVER ♪ AS LONG AS ♪ WE KEEP IT TOGETHER ♪ IF YOU'RE LIVING A DREAM ♪ AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS ♪ THEN YOU CAN'T LET THEM ♪ CHANGE YOUR MIND ♪ IT'S THE LIFE THAT WE CHOOSE ♪ AND WE STILL BREAK THE RULES ♪ BUT IT'S ALL GOING TO BE ♪ JUST FINE ♪ JUST FINE ♪ YEAH, WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE ♪ JUST FINE ♪ YOU AND ME ♪ WE'RE GOING TO BE JUST FINE >> HOW'S YOUR STEAKS? DID I MAKE THEM RIGHT? >> MINE'S OVERCOOKED. >> YEAH, YOU DIDN'T COOK THEM RIGHT. >> WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE REJECTED MY CHICKEN TOTS AND TATER BALLS. [ DOORBELL ] DING DONG. >> I GOT IT. >> HELLO, I'M CROMSBY. >> THAT'S NOT A REAL NAME. >> BUT IT IS. I WORK FOR THE BAUMS. I'M HERE TO PICK UP THEIR CHILDREN. >> YAY! OH, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SOUND RUDE OR ANYTHING. YOU GUYS ARE JUST REALLY ANNOYING. >> PHILLIP, KELLY, THE CAR IS OUT FRONT. PLEASE GO WAIT IN IT. >> WE DON'T WANT TO WAIT IN THE CAR. >> I'M NOT WAITING IN THE STUPID CAR. >> HERE'S A $100 EACH. >> YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES. >> FIVE. >> YES, OF COURSE. OF COURSE. IS IT WRONG TO HATE A CHILD? >> DUDE, IF HATING THOSE KIDS IS WRONG, I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT. >> INDEED. NOW, BEFORE I GO-- >> GUN, SAM, HE'S GOT A GUN. OH MY GOD. >> WHY WOULD HE HAVE A GUN? >> I DON'T HAVE A GUN. I HAVE TICKETS. DOCTOR AND MRS. BAUM ARE GOING TO THE BAHAMAS, AND THEY'D LIKE THE TWO OF YOU TO ESCORT THEIR CHILDREN THERE. >> WAIT. WHY DON'T THE BAUMS JUST FLY TO THE BAHAMAS WITH THEIR KIDS? >> IF YOU WERE THOSE CHILDREN'S PARENTS, AND YOU COULD PAY SOMEONE TO FLY WITH THEM, WOULDN'T YOU? >> OH, YEAH, YEAH, I WOULD. >> ABSOLUTELY. >> YES, WELL, TWO FREE TICKETS TO THE BAHAMAS. ARE YOU INTERESTED? >> NO WAY. YOU CAN TELL DOCTOR AND MRS. BAUM THAT WE DON'T WANT TO GO ON A TRIP ANYWHERE WITH THEIR KIDS. >> YOU'LL BE FLYING FIRST CLASS. >> WE DON'T CARE ABOUT-- >> FIRST CLASS? >> WHO CARES IF WE'RE-- >> YES. WE'LL DO IT. >> NO WE WON'T. >> SAM, PLEASE. I'VE WANTED TO FLY FIRST CLASS EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. >> WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT IT? >> HAVE YOU EVER FLOWN FIRST CLASS? >> I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A NICE BUS. >> FIRST CLASS IS MAGICAL. >> I HAVE 30 SECONDS. >> THE SEATS ARE REAL BIG AND THEY GO BACK ALL THE WAY. >> BUT THAT DOESN'T-- >> AND THEY GIVE YOU FANCY FOOD WITH REAL FORKS MADE OF METAL. >> OH, FOOD, YOU SAY? >> AND AT THE END OF THE FLIGHT THEY GIVE YOU FRESH-BAKED COOKIES AND HOT RAGS. >> WELL-- >> HOT RAGS. >> THE RAGS ARE QUITE HOT. >> OKAY, WE'LL DO IT. >> HOT RAGS. >> I'LL TELL THE BAUMS-- [ GLASS BREAKING ] [ GRUNTING ] >> WHAT WAS THAT? >> A ROCK THAT SAYS, "IT'S BEEN FIVE... MINUTES." >> YEAH. OKAY. >> HERE IS MY SCHOOL ID AND MY FIRST CLASS TICKET. >> I SEE IT. >> WE'RE GOING TO GET FRESH COOKIES AND HOT RAGS. >> CAT... >> THESE KIDS YOURS? >> WE'RE BABYSITTING THEM. >> YES. THIS IS PHILLIP BAUM, AND THAT'S HIS SISTER, KELLY BAUM. >> BOARDING PASSES? >> THEY ARE ALSO RIDING IN THE FIRST CLASS SECTION WITH US. >> GO AHEAD. >> FIRST CLASS. >> SHUT UP. >> WELL, THAT GUY'S GOT A COACH ATTITUDE. >> COME ON. >> ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS TOOK YOUR PROTEIN PILLS AND YOUR NUTRITIONAL YEAST, RIGHT? >> NO, WE DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO BRING OUR TIMERS. >> QUIT WHINING. GOOMER AND DICE ARE ON THEIR WAY HERE WITH YOUR DUMB RICH-KID TIMERS. >> LAPTOPS OUT OF YOUR BAGS. EMPTY YOUR POCKETS. SHOES OFF. >> MA'AM? MA'AM? EXCUSE ME? I'M ASSUMING WE FIRST CLASS PASSENGERS DON'T HAVE TO REMOVE OUR SHOES. >> YES, YOU DO. >> BUT I'M NOT WEARING ANY SOCKS AND THE FLOOR SEEMS KIND OF STICKY. >> LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU-- >> HEY, I GOT THIS. >> YOU GOT WHAT? >> LET'S GO. >> OH MY GOSH, SAM, PUT ME DOWN. NO, NO, NO. PUT ME DOWN. EW. NO. >> SHOES OFF. >> NO, LEAVE MY FEET ALONE. >> CAT IS NOW SHOELESS. >> OH. >> DONE. >> UGH. >> OKAY. NOW, COME ON, LET'S GET THROUGH SECURITY SO WE CAN GET TO FIRST CLASS. >> OY. >> HEY, WHERE CAN WE GET HAND SANITIZER? >> LOOK, DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS. I BARELY MADE IT THROUGH FOURTH GRADE. I'M JUST LISTENING FOR BEEPS. [ BEEPING ] DID YOU GUYS HEAR A BEEP? >> HEY, SAM! CAT! >> WE MADE IT. >> OVER HERE. >> WE BROUGHT THE TIMERS FOR THE BAUMS. [ CROWD MUTTERING ] >> FINALLY, OUR TIMERS. >> WHAT'D HE SAY? >> I'VE GOT THE TIMERS FOR THE BAUMS. >> HE SAID HE'S GOT THE TIMERS FOR THE BOMBS. >> CODE BLUE. CODE BLUE. [ ALARM BLARING ] >> CODE BLUE. CODE BLUE. CODE BLUE. >> WHAT'S GOING ON? >> NO. THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING. >> WHAT'S HAPPENING TO DICE AND GOOMER? >> BAD THINGS. >> WELL, THAT WASN'T VERY NICE OF YOU, GENTLEMEN. >> WHAT DO WE DO? >> RUN THAT WAY. >> WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE THEM. >> HOT RAGS. >> COME ON KIDS, LET'S GO. >> OH, LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE. I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE. >> NOW, NOW, NOW, NO BAD ENERGY. MY DREAM OF FLYING FIRST CLASS IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE AND NOTHING SHALL SPOIL IT. >> [ COUGHING ] >> OH MY GOD, THAT'S DISGUSTING. MOVE, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. >> MY SHOES ARE PINCHING MY TOES. CAN WE SIT DOWN? >> AW. WHO'S A CRANKY-PUSS? YOU. >> DOES ANYBODY SEE FOUR SEATS TOGETHER? >> RIGHT HERE. HEY, ANYBODY SITTING IN THOSE SEATS? >> YEAH. ME. >> THAT'S ALL YOUR STUFF? >> YEAH, IT'S ALL MY STUFF, AND I AIN'T MOVING IT. >> OH, THAT'S COOL. YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE IT. >> HEY, THAT'S MINE. WHAT ARE YOU... HEY. PICK MY STUFF UP AND PUT IT ALL BACK OR ELSE... >> THESE SEATS ARE OPEN. >> YOU THINK DICE AND GOOMER ARE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT? >> OH YEAH. THEY'RE BIG BOYS. THEY CAN HANDLE THEMSELVES. >> [ CRYING ] >> BUDDY. BUDDY, COME ON. >> WHAT'D YOU SAY TO THE BIG GUY? >> I JUST ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED SOME WATER. >> I DON'T WANT ANY WATER. I WANT CHOCOLATE MILK. >> COULD YOU GET HIM SOME CHOCOLATE MILK? >> I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANY. >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP. NOW, BIG GUY, EXPLAIN THIS. >> CAT! >> WE MADE IT. >> OVER HERE. >> WE BROUGHT THE TIMERS FOR THE BAUMS. >> OKAY, I CAN EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED. >> QUIET, HAIR HAT. >> HAIR HAT? >> IT DOES LOOK LIKE A FUZZY HAT. >> YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE TO TALK. >> BUT I JUST-- >> EH! >> BUT-- >> EH! >> I WAS JUST TRYING-- >> AHH! >> OKAY, CHOCOLATE MILK, TALK. >> SURE. SEE, OUR FRIENDS CALLED US ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO AND SAID THEY WERE TAKING THE BAUMS TO THE AIRPORT AND PUTTING THEM ON THE PLANE. >> DUDE. >> YOU STAY QUIET. >> THANK YOU. BUT THE PROBLEM WAS THEY FORGOT THE TIMERS FOR THE BAUMS. SO WE GOT THE TIMERS, AND WE BROUGHT THEM TO THE AIRPORT. FOR THE BAUMS. >> CAN I GET A LAWYER? >> AND A PONY? >> FLIGHT 1549 TO THE BAHAMAS WILL BEGIN BOARDING IN JUST A FEW MINUTES. >> YEAH, HOT RAGS. IT'S A FIRST CLASS THING. YOU WOULDN'T GET IT. >> I WANT TO GET ON THE PLANE NOW. >> WOW, I CARE WHAT YOU WANT. >> DON'T WORRY, WE'RE IN FIRST CLASS SO WE'LL GET TO BOARD THE PLANE BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE. >> DURR. >> THAT HURT MY FEELINGS. >> HI, IS THIS SEAT TAKEN? >> UH-- >> NOBODY'S SITTING HERE, RIGHT? WATCH OUT. >> I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD SIT HERE. >> I'M SORRY, CAN I JUST... I'M JUST GOING TO... >> PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME. OH GOD. CAT, STAND UP. >> ALL RIGHT. >> AND DON'T TALK TO THAT. >> HELLO. >> MY NAME IS COCO. >> AW, NOW THERE'S GOING TO BE A CONVERSATION. >> SO, GET THIS. MY EX-HUSBAND, CARL... >> YEAH? >> HE'S GETTING MARRIED. GUESS TO WHO. >> DON'T GUESS. >> A LADY? >> MY MOTHER. HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT? >> VERY. >> RIGHT? WHERE IS MY CAR BATTERY? YOU KNOW, I WORK AT A FANCY BOARDING SCHOOL. I'M A DORM ADVISOR. >> THOSE LUCKY KIDS. >> WHAT SCHOOL? >> PACIFIC COAST ACADEMY. HONEY, CAN YOU HOLD MY CAR BATTERY? >> ACTUALLY, I DON'T LIKE TO HOLD THINGS. >> WE'RE FLYING FIRST CLASS. >> LUCKY. I FLEW FIRST CLASS ON MY HONEYMOON, WITH CARL. THEY GAVE YOU HOT RAGS. >> YES. >> WHY AM I HOLDING A 17-POUND CAR BATTERY? >> HERE'S MY CAN OPENER. HOLD THIS. >> OH, YAY, I LOVE SMALL APPLIANCES. >> SO, YOU TELL ME, AFTER CARL MARRIES MY MOTHER, WHAT DO I CALL HIM? MY EX-HUSBAND? MY STEP-FATHER? OR THE MAN I STILL LOVE? >> SO, YOU'RE TAKING A VACATION? >> NO. I'M GOING TO THE WEDDING. GIMME. >> WHAT IS THAT CAN? >> RAVIOLI. IT'S THE ONE THING THAT NEVER LETS ME DOWN. >> [ WHIMPERING ] >> ALL RIGHT, HAIR HAT. WHY WERE YOU TWO BRINGING TIMERS FOR BOMBS TO THIS AIRPORT? >> OKAY, SEE, MY FRIENDS ARE-- >> IT WAS HIS FAULT. >> GOOMER. >> I DIDN'T WANT TO BRING THE TIMERS FOR THE BAUMS TO THE AIRPORT. I WANTED TO GO TO A PETTING ZOO. >> JUST TELL US ABOUT THE BOMBS. >> I'M TRYING. THERE'S THESE TWO KIDS-- >> I JUST WANTED TO PET A BABY SHEEP. >> AHH! >> I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW PAINFUL THAT'S GOING TO BE FOR ME, WATCHING MY EX-HUSBAND GET MARRIED TO MY OWN MOTHER? >> BUT WHY WOULD YOUR EX-HUSBAND WANT TO MARRY YOUR MOM? >> I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU ASK THEM? THEY'RE RIGHT OVER THERE. >> FLIGHT 1549 TO THE BAHAMAS WILL BEGIN PRE-BOARDING NOW. >> YEAH, HOT RAGS. >> YEAH, BABY. SEE YOU LATER, RAVIOLI LADY. OH, AND BY THE WAY, YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER MAN. SHE WON'T. >> COME ON, KIDS, LET'S GO. COME ON, MOVE IT. >> WOO, FIRST CLASS. >> EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY, FIRST CLASS COMING THROUGH. >> WE'RE HEADING... >> CLASS COMING THROUGH. >> TO THE FRONT. >> YEAH, FIRST CLASS. WE GET TO BOARD FIRST. >> AT THIS TIME WE'D LIKE TO BOARD ALL PASSENGERS WHO NEED ASSISTANCE. >> YAY. WAIT, WHAT? >> THANK YOU. >> I THOUGHT FIRST CLASS PASSENGERS GET TO BOARD THE PLANE FIRST. >> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. WE'RE NEXT. >> KAY-KAY. HURRY UP, PLEASE. >> BOARDING NEXT... FAMILIES WITH SMALL CHILDREN. >> WHAT THE... WELL, THEY'RE SMALL CHILDREN. >> NOT SMALL ENOUGH. >> WHAT ABOUT FIRST CLASS? >> I DON'T THINK YOU BOYS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH TROUBLE YOU'RE IN. >> LOT OF TROUBLE. >> I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN. >> WILL YOU LET ME EXPLAIN? ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING THIS WORSE. >> I CAN EXPLAIN STUFF JUST AS GOOD AS YOU CAN. >> WELL, IT'S MY TURN. >> NO IT'S NOT. >> OKAY, THE BAUMS AREN'T REALLY BOMBS. >> GUH, GUH, GUH. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> NOTHING. GO AHEAD. GIVE THE PEOPLE YOUR BRILLIANT EXPLANATION. >> SEE, OUR FRIENDS BROUGHT THESE TWO KIDS TO THE AIRPORT, RIGHT? >> BLUH, BLUH, BLUH. >> IF YOU DON'T QUIT DOING THAT... >> AH, DUB, DUB, DUB. >> AH, DUB, DUB, DUB. [ CONTINUE BLUBBERING ] >> LET'S SEE, BOARDING NEXT... >> HERE WE GO. >> HOT RAGS. >> ANYONE IN THE MILITARY. >> WHAT? >> THIS IS RIDICULOUS. >> WHY SHOULD THEY GET TO BOARD FIRST? >> JUST 'CAUSE THEY'RE IN THE MILITARY? THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE. >> YOU'RE ALL HEROES. >> THANK YOU. OKAY, NEXT... >> NOW IT'S FIRST CLASS. >> FINALLY. >> WE WELCOME OUR PLATINUM CLUB MEMBERS. >> GAH! HIM? >> AFTER YOU. >> PLATINUM CLUB. PLATINUM CLUB COMING THROUGH. MY HUSBAND IS MARRYING MY MOTHER. [ BLUBBERING ] >> ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF. >> CAN I HAVE SOME CHOCOLATE MILK? >> BRING US A GLASS OF CHOCOLATE MILK. >> MAY I HAVE TWO, PLEASE? >> NO YOU CAN-- BRING US TWO. >> OKAY, NEXT WE'LL BOARD ANYONE WITH A PET. >> DOES THE PET HAVE TO BE HERE? >> NO. >> WOO! >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. >> SAM, OUR HOT RAGS... THEY'LL BE COLD. >> JUST... WE HAVE TO BE NEXT. >> OKAY, GUY? >> NOW, DRINK YOUR CHOCOLATE MILK AND TELL US ABOUT THE BOMBS. >> OKAY. WELL, YOU SEE... [ SCREAMS ] WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. >> CODE RED! LOCK DOWN THE AIRPORT! LOCK DOWN THE AIRPORT! >> AND WE NEED PAPER TOWELS. >> PAPER TOWELS NOW! >> OKAY, NOW BOARDING... LET'S SEE... >> FIRST CLASS. >> COME ON. >> BOARDING ALL FIRST CLASS PASSENGERS. >> ALL RIGHT. >> YEAH, BABY. >> HERE WE GO. >> IT'S ABOUT TIME. [ SIREN WAILING ] >> AIRPORT LOCKDOWN. AIRPORT LOCKDOWN. CODE RED. PROCEDURE 21B. AIRPORT LOCKDOWN. >> WHAT? >> OUR FLIGHT IS CANCELED? >> NO, THE FLIGHT CAN TAKE OFF, BUT NOBODY ELSE CAN BOARD. >> WHA... YOU'RE SAYING THAT ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ON THE PLANE, THEY GET TO THE BAHAMAS BUT NOT US? >> SERIOUSLY? >> SERIOUSLY. >> WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? >> WHY? [ SCREAMING ] >> PUT ME DOWN. >> HEY, SAM. THERE'S THE TIMERS. >> GOOMER. [ TIMERS BEEPING ] [ BLUBBERING ] [ OVEN BELL ] >> MMM...